some days i nead a good kick up the behind do i nead to sea a dr anser probely yes but do i go no why coz im scared in case i get admited to hosptile why am i scared coz i have this silly idda  in my hed if i do get admitet u dont come out there alive i shud relize my cuzens husband he cum out there alive and his fithing canser  my mum keaps on saying my breathing is geting worse go and sea a dr and like father like dorter i…

My fiance/bf passed away April 27, 2012.  I miss him everyday and I think of him everyday.   I have been home sick with the flu and I remember how he use to care for me when I was under the weather.  No I am in our bed, sick and alone.  I keep crying.   I miss him so much. I wish I could have him back but the sad reality is he is never coming back to me and he will never make chicken noodle soup for me again.

A poem for him:

time has passed

and Yet I miss you as if…

So if you hear that one year is the magic date, I'm here to tell you that has not been my experience. If anything I find things harder than they were before. There are days I feel crazy. Okay one minute, a train wreck the next minute. Buckets of tears and a lot of pain. I miss Michael so badly and my heart feels like it has been broken all over again, or that that the healing that had begun was ripped…

I read everyones posts on here, and alot of people are just wraught with pain and sadness months, years after their loved one passes. I find for me, that my sadness comes and goes in spurts. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I think about my father often...but only when I see pictures or think of his upcoming death anniversary is when I cry...as I write this I have tears streaming down my face because I just happened to look at his picture on my facebook. I guess in a…

I don't know if it's normal to be stuck in different stages of grief at the same time or not, but for me, it has been going on for awhile now! I miss my mom so much it hurt, and I'm angry at myself plus the doctors for not doing anything about it! I luckily have never been mad at God, I sometimes get mad that the only person I truly had, was taken away from me but to be directly mad at him, I haven't! There has been talk between some of Mom's 'friends' and all they could talk about, was that…

I can't believe she is really gone...that this just isn't true...that I'll never see my girl ever again...I loved her so much..for all my life it was "us"...We had 2 wonderful boys that I know miss their mom terribly ...She loved them with all her heart ... I find myself crying every day...me..who everyone considers a strong guy..crying when I see a dress hanging in the closet she''ll never wear again..a bike in the garage that she loved to ride..never again...pictures of us skiing,…

odd title ,I was let loose from the constaints of my marraige and the life I knew before she died.(floating in outer space) I think its horrible for anyone to lose a loved one.I have always had an immense hold on my emotions as far as angery outburst or crying.

Do I get periods of grief,yes the kind that paraylze your body. We should have never got married but we did for 35 yr ,Maby she saved me from worst things ,however you could never go up against her.

What makes it worst…

In the three months since my husband passed away from multiple myeloma

I have discovered that grief is sneaky! Many days I have felt better, only to

feel anger or dissolve into tears when confronted by something that

reminded me of him or the disease itself. I took my rage out on the illness

and for a short time turned my back on the many friends and medical

staff who had supported us so much through the years. By avoiding

people around me & the places Bill…

 So my birthday ended up not being that bad. It did start out rough. I cried the whole morning knowing I was not going to get the phone call I usually did from my dad. I smiled despite the pain of it all. I cried like 5-10 times during the day off and on. Thankfully the wishes I got from my friends and family helped mask the missing part.

  …

if heven is a plase on earth wear is earth is earth a good plase to live or is it a bad plase to live like h e l l or is earth the h e l l we live in wit bad thng happing evry day

wen we 1st saw tht film my dad saed yrs ago life is a never ending story evry day we go thru a difrent chapta in our livess we do 

i rember tht john lenon song imangine my dad saed that song madee sense

So lately I thought I've been dealing with things pretty well.  My husband and I are set to close on our new home on Friday, work has been going well-- all in all, I'm doing ok.  Growing up, I always listened to rock, alternative, or punk music (I still have the tattoos and piercings, and wear my Converse One Stars to this day).  On my way to work today, I heard the song Daniel (originally performed by Elton John) sung by Fuel.  Now I haven't listed to Fuel since high school, but was a fan…

I rememebr the day my son passed away like it was yesterday. I held him on my chest whiles he took his last breathe. As his mother i felt helpless there was nothing i could do to help him. theres not a day that goes by that i dont think of him. I constanly pleaded to god " how could u take a baby from me at only 5 months old?" none of it seemed fair to me it still don't.There are mothers out there that…

I know this may be selfish. I haven't written anything about my dad and my loss yet, but my birthday is tomorrow and it's going to suck.

It's going to suck because, my dad won't be calling me and telling me that I 21 or 18, just to keep him from feeling old.…

In a three month period I lost my grandfather, gave birth three weeks later to a beautiful baby girl and then four weeks later lost my mom.  It has been a difficult year and I am just trying to stay a float these days.  I have waves of sadness that just overcome me at any given minute.  My mom is on my mind constantly.  Dealing with my grandfather's death was hard but not nearly as trying as my mother's.  My grandfather died after a long struggle due to health issues and his age.  My mother…

I found this site yesterday, and I'm hoping it helps.  Growing up, my father was the strongest person I knew - he always provided for his family, was a hard worker, and a loving father, husband, son, brother, uncle, and friend.  A month after his 49th Birthday, my father had a massive stroke and they didn't think he would make it through the night.  Wrong - my father was a fighter.  Over the years, he had many complications from the stroke, to the point where it was too hard for him to fight…

It's on the 19th and I don't know what to do with myself! I was always guarenteed to spend the day with her. When I was in school, she would let me stay out and she would take off from work. We would go out to eat and then shopping for a bit. When I graduated from High School, it still continued, she took off from work and we would go out to eat then to the tattoo place. I never imagined that last year would be my last birthday with her! I'm contemplating on admitting myself into the…

Warning: This summary of what happened to my dad may be a trigger to others.. Please read at your own discretion as this is pretty detailed.

Just a bit of a background before I proceed: My dad was diagnosed with Myesthenia Gravis, a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disease about 10 years ago. This disease requires the use of immuno-suppressants, which if taken for an extended amount of time, may cause cancer (in this case,…