In the three months since my husband passed away from multiple myeloma
I have discovered that grief is sneaky! Many days I have felt better, only to
feel anger or dissolve into tears when confronted by something that
reminded me of him or the disease itself. I took my rage out on the illness
and for a short time turned my back on the many friends and medical
staff who had supported us so much through the years. By avoiding
people around me & the places Bill and I visited, I hoped
to close off the pain channel in my heart.

I took a trip to NC where we had owned a home for many years. I took
part of Bill to the top of his beloved mountain and left him there for eternity.
Upon my return I attended a portion of my 40th high school reunion and
brought home my 5 month old border collie puppy to train as
therapy dog, hopefully to use one day in my practice.

During these two weeks, the anger and sadness have faded,
with only a few sneak attacks. Life's colors have brightened with the
fall leaves. My husband is with me always, but I am turning outward again to
a new life without him physically in sight each day. The value of
what life holds for me is more evident. While I don't doubt
the continuing power of grieving, I have energy for a new life,
being released and something I haven't felt in many days,
kinda of sneaking up on me also...joy!