So I have never done this blog thing and I have no idea what I am doing. Im not worried about spelling or anything else I just want to get what has been stuck in side out.

I have always had a crazy family tree, I'm just gonna leave at by the time I was 3 my grandparents offically became my parents. My father loved me adored me took care of me, put his happiness on hold to raise me. My mother was there. I am not cold she and I never connected becuase of the pain my bio mom…

In 2 days it wil be 10 months since I lost my son. It is still as hard as it was the day he left us. seems like everyone has forgotten about him. All I can say is I will do everything possible to keep his memory alive no matter how bad the pain is. My family acts like I don't even exist they say if I need to talk for me to call them ya right why should I have to be the one calling i lost my child they did not lose theres. My husband and other boys have been the only ones there. There is so…

Day by day I think of you,

How can all of this be true?

I can't believe you're really gone,

I still can't accept it,

Even after Only a year..

Just the thought of you makes me cry,

I never even got the chance to say goodbye.

Every picture, every t-shirt..

reminds me of

 your familiar scent,

It makes me think of all of the times we've spent.

I know we didn't always get along,



So many things I never got to say,

I

You were my…

Yesterday I dreamt that I was at a house and discovered cigarettes my Mom was hiding and I threw them away.

My Mom had COPD and shouldn't smoke but she never was able to quit. I did find myself discovering cigarettes around the house and throwing them. It's weird that I dream this now she's gone. Maybe it means that I feel I didn't really help her to quit smoking? I think she wanted, deep inside, to quit. But she never could. I never thought of taking her to one of those…

For My Big Brother

You showed me a lot of things,

I learned a lot I didn't know,

But you forgot to teach me one last thing

How to let you go,

I miss being your little sister,

Hearing You say something that would make me laugh for hours,

I wish i could have said i love you and good bye

Before you left us ..

You always meant a lot to me,

I could never love you less,

YOu were my big brother who i thought hung the Moon and is now…

For My Big Brother

You showed me a lot of things,

I learned a lot I didn't know,

But you forgot to teach me one last thing

How to let you go,

I miss being your little sister,

Hearing You say something that would make me laugh for hours,

I wish i could have said i love you and good bye

Before you left us ..

You always meant a lot to me,

I could never love you less,

YOu were my big brother who i thought hung the Moon and is now…

Didnt sleep last night

STRESS…  I assume its part of  my grief..I didnt sleep last night…at all….finally slept about 9am and most the day….but I’ve been thinking about the hospital…..I’m terrified of that place…scared to death….never felt this bad before…about it…worse than when he was there…….. going to see my therapist tomorrow. I’m told these feelings are normal…..

why i felt stressed…at the…

My mom was the funniest lady you could ever meet. My friends thought she was hilarious. Her death was such a surprise to me because I had no idea how sick she really was. I am angry that nobody told me but I guess I just have to live with it. I miss her so much and I would give anything to have her back. She was on life support and was suffering, so with the advice of the doctors I made the decision to withdraw care. Even though the doctors said that there was nothing else that could be…

I,m feeling so alone and hurting so much. it feels like I,m dealing with this by myself. I lost my oldest son kris march 14,2013 and my other sonwho lost his brother andbest friend does not want to talk about it. if I call him and i'm crying because i'm hurting he can't standit my counsleer says that brian isafraid to talk with mewhen i'm crying because hes afraid that he will break down. I know that's the manley way to handle thingslike this but I hate feeling im alone. i'm divorced so no…

i been under alot of stress and i just want to be happy and be healthy i lost my husband last oct 23 2012 and then my daughter just moved out so i just hope life gets better im sick of having aniexty and dizzyness i just want happieness in my life im sick of feeling this way 

I was visiting my grandmother and my aunt was changing her clothes and she just fell over and was unreviable. I was waiting to go back into her room and then my aunt ran back into the living room screaming fpr an ambulance. I was very afraid and automatically we all knew she wouldn't come back.

My oldest on Kristopher died March 14,2013 after a long illness. He was just getting over gallium barre system. Thenhebecame jaundance and his liver falled and kidneys couldnot getto toxins out. He fault so hard. he lived 1 1/2 months this last time. we did what he wanted and glad of that. but i'm missing him so much I feel likepart of mehas died. I have lost bothmy parents 30 yrs and 29 yrs ago I still have days that I miss so much. how do you survie the death of a son? I dontthink I…

My husband of 55 years died recently from a battle with dementia.  (6 years or so).  I was his primary caregiver until the last 6 months when he went into hospice and residential care.  The first week I was pretty much in shock and now as things seem to be settling I have still been overwhelmed with paper work, (bank, insurance, etc).  I can't seem to get my priorities straight.  I also want to go back to my…

It has been a year and a half later and it feels like he died before I was born. I went through a hard time grieving but, now I feel the grief again but he feels so far away. I don't know if it is him I am grieving or if there is something else. I just know I am sad and unmotivated to just take life day by day. I want to know how to slow down and take life day by day. I feel like I am on edge for the next thing to happen..good or bad.  Just sad.

Since mom died I have felt that I'm just existing. I can relate to many posts I have read in here, that describe how people feel empty, like a shell of what they used to be, just going through the motions, etc.

 I don't really do anything meaningful these days. I go to work, I eat, sleep and breathe. I'm living because I have a body that's still working, but nothing else. Now I don't have anyone to take care of or anyone to take care of me.

It feels sometimes that I could…

http://www.planetarycoach.com/help-for-grief/

Yesterday I dreamt about you Mom, you were in bed as in your last days here, but maybe you weren't sick you were just waking up. It wasn't our apartment, but a different one with a nice view. I said hello to you and you replied ''Hello Daughter''. Then I got nervous because I knew I hadn't seen you in so long so I told you I loved you. You told me you loved me too. I can't remember anything else. Getting up today wasn't so awful as it usually is.

 It's weird Mom, for the last day or…

I am so stressed, thinking about my father. I can't sleep at night because I'm constantly thinking about him and wondering where he is. It still feels so surreal, and I constantly keep reminding myself of the events that happend at the time of his passing until the the day we buried him. I am constantly having flashbacks of his funeral service as well as him being buried. I often just think of him laying in his grave, eventhough I know it's not him. What should I do to stop feeling this way?…

Just need to voice my ire at the scumbags that seem to sneak into this site every so often.  Enough to make me need to vent!  Go away trolls, we want peace not a piece.