Didnt sleep last night

STRESS…  I assume its part of  my grief..I didnt sleep last night…at all….finally slept about 9am and most the day….but I’ve been thinking about the hospital…..I’m terrified of that place…scared to death….never felt this bad before…about it…worse than when he was there…….. going to see my therapist tomorrow. I’m told these feelings are normal…..

why i felt stressed…at the hospital…I felt kinda trapped there..he was trapped there, we weren’t free to do as we pleased- couldn’t even share a bed…exhausting…dealing with different nurses every 12 hrs..some good, some not…people not listening….all different…. personal I felt  lying to us, not even telling us that they  were trying to put him in a nursing home for ever- shouldnt they have told us?! at least?! some days he was sicker than others.. different hospital personal..who didnt know us, not knowing what he could do.. watching.. him…. seeing his brain not work right…fear.. of what would come next….what I would find when I got up there to his room… that they’d forgotten to tell me..loving him and  fear of losing him….just the emotional pain of it all.

This is why i feel traumatized.