Ive been thinkuing , there is , actually are many dreams and plans dan and I had, other day I started thinking about one of them, actually Ive been thinking about doing it for years..off and on, never has seemed to be the  right time.. still isnt but Im hoping in a couple yrs to be healed enough..I want to adopt an older child. a girl, a teen ager.. alot to workout and learn and think about but...please pray or think good thoughts....for me on this...Im doing alot of reasearch.

I am so sad and depressed totally, cant hardly move.. dan birthday is coming soon. on he 18th.. Im having a getogether with close friend..plan to cry all day.. dreading the next few months.. so angry mostly at God...I know Ddan'saroundbut ..I just.. its so hard..

Didnt sleep last night

STRESS…  I assume its part of  my grief..I didnt sleep last night…at all….finally slept about 9am and most the day….but I’ve been thinking about the hospital…..I’m terrified of that place…scared to death….never felt this bad before…about it…worse than when he was there…….. going to see my therapist tomorrow. I’m told these feelings are normal…..

why i felt stressed…at the…