I found this poem online but its a poem I can really relate too.

When I laid there beside you,

Could you feel me there?

My arms were wrapped around you,

And I was stroking your hair.



I was talking about all the good times,

For me they were every single day.

I wanted you to feel love and comfort,

And happy in some way.



I watched…

Friends of ours set out on a three month missionary trip to Costa Rica leaving February 7th 2013. Received a call late February 10th that Tom had passed away that day of a heart attack. His wife, Linda, will be home with him soon. Two of his children flew to Costa Rica to be with their mother.

There are no words to express my sadness. It is Normal to Feel This Way because God did not create man to die or get sick. Thankfully we are comforted by the hope Jesus mentions at (John 5:28,…

If there is anything good that I can take away from tragedy, it's that I need to try harder to maintain the relationships I have with the people I love.

That being said, I'm having a hard time being around my mother. I'm not angry with her but I feel uncomfortable around her right now. I know she is going through really intense pain and having a really hard time with my sister's death. My heart breaks for her and I wish I could make it all go away. I know I don't see or talk to my mom…

There is just so much grief - caused by many events in our lives - unfortunately death may well be the worst but many other happenings rank right up there. This is 15 yr old Brandon Parra. He is not my blood grandson but he calls me grandma and it sure feels like he is mine. He has been in the hospital off and on, every few weeks for over a year - this stretch has been 4…

Well Good day! After reading my last post I must say, Shame on me! How pitiful the last post sounds. Now that's self pity! Sometimes i'm pretty good at it! Reading the last post is the reason why i'm grateful for this blog. When I write I realease the yucky bad stuff that enters my heart and my mind. There is no book to tell me how to deal with all of this, so I just have to do the best I can with what I learn from day to day. I dont like to read my pity posts, but I do because it's good for…

My poor wife passed away on May 26 2012. Its been a little under 8 months I haven,t done much to recover form her loss except my drinking has gone done.I haven,t gone out drinking and driving after she ran me through hell on any particular day . I remember her loss and I remember the love I had for her. So Iam at a loss .I was under her spell for 35 yrs. Love ,dependent on her Ahh whatever as they say.Iam not getting anywhere.I guess Iam still stuck in the past with her. I do recogonize…

My mom passed away one year ago today, on February 8^th 2012 from cancer. I had been meaning to post a message on this site shortly after she passed but I never did. My mom was the sweetest and most loving lady in her 75 years on this earth. She did the Lord's work and was full of love. She was selfless and full of compassion toward her loving family and friends. I sorely miss my mom. There was an irrevocable change when she passed. I feel our family was closer when my mom was…

I got a promotion at work that I couldn't be more excited about :) And I got an office, which is amazing! It's great to have my own space.  But I find myself sad not being able to share this news with my parents... I know I can, but it's really not the same.  

Today while I was eating lunch I had the television on, just as I always do.

I can't even remember what show I was watching now..

I had my head down, looking at my lunch- not in a sad mopey way but looking at what I was picking up with my fork. All of a sudden I heard Becky's voice. For real, not in my mind. I looked up and there she was. As beautiful as ever and alive. 

Months ago her and her boyfriend went on the show Judge Judy over a dispute with breeding their dog.…

Writing things down in this blog has helped me.  It helps to get things out, whether you go to therapy, or just write.  Here, I say things I'd never really say to anyone.  I never told Sue's sisters about the night she went into the hospital, mainly because I don't think I could get through it.  I've told them enough without getting into details no one has asked for.  Maybe, at some point, I will want to try therapy, but not right now.  It's been a long 3 months....I had to go through…

I wish my words could be heard by him. I miss the love of my life. He will forever be with me in my heart in my  mind and in my memories.  I feel like I will never find that happiness.  Things were not always perfect.  But what I knew was that he loved me. Oh how I miss him. every day is a struggle just to get through it without him. When I am having a bad day I don't have him to turn to. Oh how I miss my baby.

Dear Mom & Dad,

Today is my birthday. & I have so much happening in my life. B & I have a new home, I can't believe we're home owners but we are! It needs some work, but it's ours to work on! & we're getting married this summer, can you believe that? I'm not so little anymore am I? Soon enough we'll be having a family of our own & i'll become mom just like you once were. We have so much happiness & joy happening around us, & some how all I can think about is…

i feal very lost and wit my dads 1st yr anversy coming up i feal even more lost after my dad died it seamd to be more death and more death last death woz my cuzens husband same type of person as my dad great person allways thnging of others 

I've been confused before about many things. I was confused by what happened to my sister; I didn't, don't and probably will never understand why. Her killer was someone who claimed to love her but I know in my heart of hearts that he couldn't have possibly loved her. Looking back now I see, the way he participated (or lack thereof) in their relationship, the way he spoke to her- he didn't love her. He didn't know what love was. I will always be confused and never understand how someone…

One thing that I know now is what I've lost. Not my loss.... my wife....but all the things she gave me that I no longer have.  First is her love.  The most awesome, incredible, unbelievable love I've ever known.  A dream come true if there's ever been one.  I don't know what I did to deserve her.  She was always there for me.  When my ex decided she couldn't handle our son, Sue didn't blink.  Of course he could live with us.  Sue wanted him, no questions asked, no…

One of the most frustrating things for me is the way grief comes and goes.  There are times where I'm not wanting to do anything but miss Sue, and then there are times when I can string a few days in a row where I'm feeling a bit better about things, and I'm actually productive...well, maybe not as focused as I should be, but productive none the less.  I just hate the way it's just so random.... I never know when I wake up if my grief will overtake me or not.  I have no control over it yet,…

I  lost my Husband 29 December 2012, it wasnt exspected . It. was his Funeral Jan 15 he was buried on his Birthday.Life has become a real struggle with two days not being the t isame .  I feel as if i am on a Roller Coaster.Feelings and thoughts so very odd.  Life has been so full   I keep thinking he will be back soon

I miss my sister.

I miss her smile, her hugs, her smell, her laugh, the twinkle in her eye, her tenaciousness to make it on her own. I miss her pride, I miss her loving heart, I miss her bubbly personality, I miss her attitude. I miss how fiercely she loved her family and how much she worried about our mom. I miss how excited she got when she would see her nephews. I miss how intelligent she was - even when she was making stupid mistakes. I miss her and all she was and ever will…

Poem 1:

I can't believe I was the one to find you,

lifeless

cold

This is the day my heart broke

I wish I could have hugged you one last time

but your cold lifeless body

was to much

You did look peaceful

you looked like you were sleeping

but deep down my gut knew something different. 

Poem 2: 

Today was a hard day

I wish you were here

Today was a…