Writing things down in this blog has helped me.  It helps to get things out, whether you go to therapy, or just write.  Here, I say things I'd never really say to anyone.  I never told Sue's sisters about the night she went into the hospital, mainly because I don't think I could get through it.  I've told them enough without getting into details no one has asked for.  Maybe, at some point, I will want to try therapy, but not right now.  It's been a long 3 months....I had to go through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and her birthday without her.  I spent that at the cemetery picking out a marker. It has a horse on it, which was one of her favorite things.  Sue hated gnomes for some reason.... it was almost a phobia.  I always told her if she left me first, I'd put a gnome at her grave.  She said if I did, she'd haunt me for the rest of my life. I guess I get to see now.  Valentine's day won't be too bad.... we both recognized it for what it is, a "Hallmark holiday".  We did not reserve things for just one day, but instead we had lots of "Valentine days" throughout the year.  Feb. 14th was just one of them.  After 3 months, I miss her more than I did in November.  Nothing has gotten any better, except the numbness is leaving making me feel it even more now.  It feels like I have a hole in my life, and it will never get filled.