One thing that I know now is what I've lost. Not my loss.... my wife....but all the things she gave me that I no longer have.  First is her love.  The most awesome, incredible, unbelievable love I've ever known.  A dream come true if there's ever been one.  I don't know what I did to deserve her.  She was always there for me.  When my ex decided she couldn't handle our son, Sue didn't blink.  Of course he could live with us.  Sue wanted him, no questions asked, no demands, no stipulations.  When the ex passed away, again Sue was there for my daughter and me.  In a few short years, she went from being single, to being married with 2 teenagers and she loved every minute (ok maybe not every minute) of it.  Sue was raised on a farm, so our ideas about animals, specifically my dog, were a bit different.  In her life, dogs stayed outside and were only brought inside when it was bad out.  My spoiled dog stayed indoors, and even slept on the bed!  That took some getting used to on her part, but she was more than willing.  When he died, she was just as heartbroken as I was. 

I've lost my compass, my north star, my inner circle.  When my head got too far into the clouds, she was there to gently bring me back to earth.  When she was troubled, I was her guide, but it taught me just as much.  We planned so much for each other.  I've lost all of those now too.  She was my foundation.  She was what I could count on when nothing else was going right.  She always made herself available to me.  We couldn't wait to be together, to laugh, to talk, to love each other.  She made me a better person.  Had a bad day at work?  "Who cares?  I've got someone who loves me and will be glad to see me at home."  I've lost that, which gave me confidence.  It was like we lived only for each other and our little family.  I'll never know the whys....why now?  why her?  why did she have to go right when we achieved our first big dream together?   "Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have know love at all".... not sure if I agree, except that the experience, while it lasted, was the happiest time of my life.