One of the most frustrating things for me is the way grief comes and goes.  There are times where I'm not wanting to do anything but miss Sue, and then there are times when I can string a few days in a row where I'm feeling a bit better about things, and I'm actually productive...well, maybe not as focused as I should be, but productive none the less.  I just hate the way it's just so random.... I never know when I wake up if my grief will overtake me or not.  I have no control over it yet, and that's the part I have the most trouble with. After 3 months, I still have no control and have no clue as to what is happening to me.  I'm not sad and depressed all the time, but I don't feel anything like myself either.

In the days following Sue's passing, I, like most people here, had trouble with sleep.  I remember hating going to sleep and waking up because in that split second, before becoming totally awake, everything was back to normal and Sue was still here with me.  After that split second, it all came flooding back in a torrent that left me heartbroken all over again.  I couldn't sleep until I was literally exhausted and had no choice.  People had to remind me to eat.  When we were about to leave for the funeral home to make arrangements, someone had to tell me I was wearing a south park t-shirt and I might want to change.  I'm nothing like that now, but things are still difficult.  Just waiting here for things to get better....