Not looking forward to Christmas
It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
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Margarita's Discussions
Need Advise Please
My mother lived in Colombia and was supposed to come to visit this month because both my girls are going to be doing their first communion shortly. (1st weekend of May) She was thrilled that the…Continue
Started Apr 21, 2013
Valentine's Day
Went to the store to get some Valentine's Day cards for my girls and hubby. Darn it I just stood there in front of the cards that are for mom and just cried, I swear people must have thought I was…Continue
Started Feb 10, 2013
frustration
12 Replies
I feel frustrated at my inability to be able to have an emotionally consistent day. I don't know if that makes sense. I can start off my day keeping busy (translation: keeping my mind off of my…Continue
Started this discussion. Last reply by dream moon JO B Feb 6, 2013.
Losing it?
2 Replies
Not sure how to explain the feeling, I have to keep busy, I can't stop to think. When I do stop, I am a mess. I start to feel guilty because I keep hearing I can't keep getting like this, I have to…Continue
Started this discussion. Last reply by Margarita Jan 30, 2013.
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Profile Information
- About my Loss:
- My mom Alicia,raised me on her own. At the end of Sept 2012 she wasn't feeling well and became jaundiced, and then was admitted to the hospital-in Colombia once I realized this was something big, I went against her wishes, and stayed with her. It took a while to find out. It turned out to be Cancer, Bile duct cancer, stage 4 and terminal. It moved so fast. Within a month not only was she physically deteriorated but the bile in her blood stream was affecting her mind. She did not want Chemo or radiation (which wasn't going to do anything for her anyway) but after a month in the hospital all she wanted to do was go home to her sisters house. On a Friday morning they called us to the hospital saying she may go into cardiac arrest and possibly a coma. We all went and surrounded her with love and prayers, but it wasn't her day. I told the dr. I wanted to take her home, and he said yes. I got her home, she was happy, she asked to eat, a shower and was happy to be in the bed that belonged to her mom. (her mom passed in that bed) The next morning, looking in her face, she wasn't there, looking in my mother's eyes, I couldn't see my mom. Between Saturday and Tuesday she spent the days pretty much out of it, with her eyes open staring up into the ceiling and just moaning and saying random things. Calling out to her mom or sister. On Tuesday, I walked to the church and asked the priest to come down and give her last rites, the church was 3 blocks away. He came and prayed with us and recognized her immediately. He prayed for us and asked us to talk to her because she just didn't want to let go. Once he left, I laid down next to her hugged her, kissed her, held her and told her that I loved her and the girls, her grandkids loved her, that we would be okay but that she needed to go. That she needed to hold her mom's hand and go with her. She stopped moaning for a moment and when I looked at her she had a tear running down her face. I continued telling her how much i loved her and the girls loved her but that she needed to go and then she opened her eyes really wide and she went. No gasp, nothing, she just went quietly. She died before the priest walked the 3 blocks to the church. {this is of course the very brief abridged version, so much more went on, amazing wonderful things} My heart is broken, it's as simple as that.
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Margarita, I'm terribly saddened by the story of how your mother passed. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm certain you have heard that countless times and this is just one more. I don't understand exactly what your pain feels like because I am fortunate enough to still have both of my parents but I'm certain I will be devastated when that inevitable time comes. I do know the unbearable pain of loss, though, and knowing how awful this is, I can certainly offer up my ear for you if you ever need to talk. I have only recently joined this group to seek help in dealing with the death of my sister and although my time here so far has been short, it has helped me tremendously. I hope it does the same for you. Please feel free to message me anytime. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi! I'm sorry about your mom, feel free to send me a message anytime.