It's been over two month since I lost my oldest brother to evil cancer. He was donated for research to The University of Tennessee. The have completed the research and we finally get him for his funereal. It's been such a long hard struggle to say good-bye since we didn't get one in January. Since I found that we are ready for one I've hurt a lot less and been less sad. Don't get me wrong I wish we never needed one to begin with. He should still be alive with his two beautiful son's watching them grow. But I have calmed down a lot and wish that I could see his face one last time. :( he was cremated so I don't get to see him. The cancer just eat him so bad that they would not allow me to see him after I arrived. After he was already gone. :( that's one thing that hurt deeply. I miss him so.