Though this life treated you like scum

you gave me the beat to my drum

you let your heart crack and bleed

and made me suffer and need

you shut out all who wanted to see you well

to the bottle you would scream and yell

yet underneath the surface of this all

was a woman trapped by the alcohol

a woman whose heart was as big as the sun

and really just wanted to have fun

her heart ached for me

she was so blind but i…

Every time a hummingbird came into the backyard, you would always tell us to look. How you loved to feed them, and see them sit on the hummingbird feeder.  The feeder is dry and dusty now. Don't know how long it's been since you've filled it up.  Don't know how long it's been since the last time you saw one.

I have 10 doctors in front of me telling me there's nothing else they can do.  All the fluid is gone from your lungs, but you're still not breathing.  Every day you…

Why does this day hurt the worst? I have been through many holidays and many special occasions but Mothers Day is one of the most painful of all. I havent slept in weeks every little thing makes me cry. I've been smoking 2 packs a day for the last 2 weeks.

.I havent slept for more than a half an hour at a time. It's like the punishment from hell.the nightmares have been so horrific I feel like putting my head through a wall. Cant talk about it cant let anyone see me cry. No onewould…

On February 25th, at 2:25 I lost my father.  And in the same week, I realized that I also lost my mother.  I realized through disbelief, that she no longer knows who I am.  I am no longer her little girl, her daughter, her Pumpkin.  In shock, I asked her if she thought I was related to her. She said no.  Her Alzsheimers has finally taken her away from me. I never thought this day would come.  She looks at me and smiles like she always does.  But then I realize, she looks that way at…

Everything seems fine until I get a call from the social worker saying that you told her that you want to be put in a home with Mommy.  I'm in total shock. For the past week I've been looking for in home care for you and Mommy; someone to help you take care of her.  To run errands for you. So you don't have to do so much work.  She tells me that they won't release you until I find a rehab place for you.  For the past week I've been taking care of Mommy. Dressing her, feeding her, figuring…

As I rush into your hospital room, I see you look at me and your face lights up. It's at that moment when I realize that your face always lights up when you see me. How haven't I noticed this before? You're shocked and surprised that I'm there. Of course I would be. Where else would I be? Mom's sleeping in the room, someone there looking over her. I tell you not to worry, I'll look after mom for you.  Everything will be fine.  Everything will be fine.

Thankfully you remember…

Waiting to get off the plane, my cell rings. It's a dear friend in NY calling to see if everything's ok.  As I tell her all I don't know, I break down.  I don't know how my dad is, or my mom.  I'm worried about the $1000 I just spent that I don't have trying to fly here. And I'm worried about how I'm going to get back to the new business I just barely opened less than a month ago.  As I cry into my cell, the woman that has been sitting next to me on the plane, and hasn't spoken one word,…

It's 11 pm, on a Saturday.  I got a call from the neighbor that you are in the hospital.  He found you by the front door, fallen into the planter and couldn't get up.  You were there for 3 days.  Newspapers piling up on the driveway alerted him that something was wrong.  He looked in the front door window and saw you.  Took 20 minutes for him and the paramedics to break into the house to get to you.  I called the hospital and they wouldn't tell me a thing thanks to these stupid privacy laws,…

Hello, all. My mother died on January 2, 2011. I was in the hospital room with her. This is the link to another post if  you'd like to read an account of what happened. http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bereavement/forum/11508820-realized-ill-never-hear-her

I've experienced many deaths in my life, but none of them have been like this. Long story short: When I was younger, (Death has…

Ariel had gotten me an electornic gift card from Amazon for $50 for Christmas, with the request that I use it for something fun. I finally got around to ordering a couple things that'd seemed fitting, a couple of books on Bagua and a plush toy from a movie we'd seen last fall and really liked.  Those came in on Saturday.  The books were good to get, and have been interesting to read through so far.  I think there'll be a lot to digest there, and it'll be good to have them help with my…

I'm confused and lonely. I'm sad and dejected. I miss her. I couldn't stop crying this afternoon. I'm not sure what comes next.

My dear Becky boy....

Another day without you and it hasn't been any easier. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and I'm sitting here thinking about how much you would enjoy today. I can just imagine you laying flat out on the grass, with the warmth of the sun shining down on you. You loved that spot in front of the…

It has been two days since I put my beloved dalmatian dog, Beckett, to sleep. Grief and guilt have overcome me and I'm finding it hard to function in my daily duties. Some people may question why this is so hard... just a dog right? Not Beckett - he was our son. My husband Tom and I adopted him as a pup when we bought our first place together. We don't have children and Beckett was our son. …