Julie, My heart goes out to you. I too have experienced immense grief and loss of several loved ones. Some were very tragic. I do not believe God punishes us by taking someone we love away from us. Maybe he takes them to spare them suffering that we are not aware of. I have had to watch some loved ones die slowly and I know now that there are some things in life that are worse than death. That doesn't make it any easier but it is true.

God loves us. I can only find comfort in knowing that my loved ones are at peace (even though I don't understand it all, I do find strength and comfort in believing it), and I know God is with me and others who grieve to give us strength and comfort. God shares in our grief. That is what Easter is all about. Death is not the final word.

I also know that big empty void in our hearts when we loose someone we love. death is so final and it seems so unfair. It is gut wrenching and it really 'sucks". Healing takes time. One day, sometimes one hour at a time. The silence of the absence of someone we love can be deafening.

I imagine your boyfriend would not want you to grieve but to use your grief to help others. I truly believe that while his life was cut short, that he is at peace and would want you to be also. That is where I have found my strength. He lives on in sharing your memories and your strength with others who are going through the same thing.

Again I don't think taking people from us is punishment for some sin.because God didn't send Jesus to "rub it in" He sent him to "rub it out." It is sometimes hard for us to feel worthy of that unconditional love but that is what grace is all about. God loves you very much and He cares and He is with you now. Closer than you may be able to realize

Please feel free to message me anytime. Perhaps God will use this a means of healing. I will keep you in my prayers for strength and comfort.