I'm confused and lonely. I'm sad and dejected. I miss her. I couldn't stop crying this afternoon. I'm not sure what comes next.

 

I heard something today and the first thing I thought of/tried to do was turn to Lisa and say "Can you believe blah blah blah. Doesn't that sound really good?" And then reality hit me upside the head. Lisa wasn't there. She hadn't just gone to the bathroom to return imminently. She was not present in body and was not destined to return. My heart hurt and I felt like I just fell in a long big dark deep well. I'm ok. I'm just sad. Tomorrow is another day. Thankfully I live in Phoenix so it's most… Continue

I don't like the sun anymore. I only want to come out at night. It hurts to see the sun shining because it makes me think the world is happy and I am not. Lisa would watch the superbowl with me. We would make snacks. She didn't really like football. She liked the commercials and the halftime show. Lisa passed peacefully in hospice. She was there 8 days. The last time we talked was on Wednesday while she was in the hospital before hospice. I held her hand and rubbed her head. I want her back. I… Continue

I tried sleeping in our bed today. It worked for a couple hours - just a nap. I cried myself to sleep. I tried to sleep in the bed tonight. It didn't work. I felt like a fish out of water. I've slept on the couch since the beginning of the year. Well anytime that I wasn't sleeping at the hospital or hospice. Lisa's cremains came in the mail today. She donated her body to science and that's how they send the cremains back. I couldn't bring myself to open the box. I left the house today around 3… Continue