I tried sleeping in our bed today. It worked for a couple hours - just a nap. I cried myself to sleep. I tried to sleep in the bed tonight. It didn't work. I felt like a fish out of water. I've slept on the couch since the beginning of the year. Well anytime that I wasn't sleeping at the hospital or hospice. Lisa's cremains came in the mail today. She donated her body to science and that's how they send the cremains back. I couldn't bring myself to open the box. I left the house today around 3 just to do something. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I feel purposeless and it makes me so very very tired. I miss my partner, my wife, the love of my life, the reason I was sure the sun rose and set in the world. I have an ache in the pit of my stomache that doesn't go away. It's hard not to think maybe if I did something different it wouldn't have turned out this way. I hate cancer. I've now been robbed twice of people I love because of that disease. I want my wife dammit!!!