Let me start by simply saying... "I miss my wife." I know a big part of the last few years and months were navigating around one health problem or another, scheduling a doctor's appointment or a scan but we still did have "normal" conversation. Where to go for dinner, what to have for dinner, what movie to watch on tv, the American Idol summary for me from her (I don't actually watch current tv, I watch a lot of re-runs. Lisa kept up the current stuff for me.)
The weather is getting warmer and school is coming to a close. We'll be off in about 5 weeks. It coincides nicely with Memorial Day and her birthday. This is the time of year we start planning a birthday celebration or trip. We would go to As You Wish to celebrate the end of the school year. My heart hurts. I have an understanding family and work with a great group of people. Nobody tries to minimize the grief I have or feel. Most people are like "I can't even imagine what it's like to be in your shoes" and I think "I hope you don't have to for a very very very long time". Lisa's service went very nicely. It was well attended. I miss her but I've said that. I feel lost or more like stumped when I'm done with school. I still haven't gotten used to the fact that I want to call her when I'm done with school and that there is no one to call.
I'm looking forward to visiting my family. That's probably the best thing about changing careers from engineering to teaching - I have a lot more time even if I have less money. Many people think teaching is a cake job but I've worked in industry and now education and there's pro's and con's to both. I'm grateful that I moved to teaching because I had more time to spend with Lisa and also my family. I miss Lisa's support with school stuff. She used to go to the choir concerts, plays, and help out at the events where I sponsored clubs. But anyone that thinks teaching is easy should trade spots with a teacher for 185 days (an entire school year in Arizona) and then talk.
I think I am starting to digress. I get that way sometimes. More often now than before. The one dominating fact is that I miss Lisa. I miss getting up in the morning with her, talking with her during the day, coming home to her at night, going to bed with her in the evening. I miss everything everyday.
