It's been two and a half months since Ariel killed herself.  Sometimes it still feels very unreal, like it's somehow not what it should be.  It's hard to FEEL like it's real, even though I intellectually know I haven't seen her in that long and that a lot of her stuff is gone and I've got a copy of the M.E.'s report on the examination of her body and her ashes are on a shelf in my office.  It just is hard to consistently get and stay next to.  I don't know how much of that is from how much…

Question: What makes anyone think that after a month that I would stop missing him? I am finding more and more that people are very understanding for the first week or so when you feel like life has really thrown you a curve ball, but less and less as time goes on. I am not even talking about uncontrollable crying or crippling depression, just bring him up or getting misty eyed when mentioning that you don't know how you are going to cope with the holidays this year. It makes people wonder…

I dreamed last night that my Papa was alive, but conditionally. It felt like we all knew he would have to go again soon, so the urgency made us try to make the best of the limited time.

It was Christmas and we stayed together for days, with no one leaving. Then my Papa proposed to my mother again, so they could renew their vows. It meant so much to us all and gave us hope. But before the day was through he was gone again. It hurt so much more in the dream, to have him again, then to…

This poem may have already been posted here, but I found it and have been helped immensly by it.  I thought I would once again share it.  It is not one that I have written. I hope it blesses you as much as it has blessed me.

MESSAGE FROM HEAVEN

To My Dear Family Some things I'd like to say,

But first of all to let you know That I arrived okay. 

I'm writing this from Heaven Where I dwell with God above, 

Where there's no more tears or…

I do not know how to cope with this loss. I do not know how to function like a regular person, when I feel I have been altered permanently. I am filled with rage. Patience is not a virtue I was born with, and now I am pushed to the limit. Having a two year old son while going through this grieving process seems like an impossible juxtaposition.

I remember my brother's laugh, his expressions, his face and am jolted to my core with the realization that his being gone is…

I wish  I coul say I  had a close relationship with my parents  like many here but did not -They were quite dysfunctional. But my  husband Howard, who died May 2010 was my ALL  Pal, lover, husband,confidant, supporter of my dreams- at times even a  parental figure since I had none. No one loved me like he did . I dream of him I  think of our happy times  over 47 yrs . Then my heart sinks when I realize I will not see him  ever again. I am not one who believes our…

My sister had me join this blog so that I could get some emotions out without burdening complete strangers, which I do often.

So here I go again. I feel like I lost more than my father I lost my mother as well. My mom has always worked and my father was the one who raised us. My mom had trouble relating to us, becasue of severe anxiety. SO my dad filled both roles at home. Now that he is gone it is apparent how little we actually had of our mother and now what remains is just an empty…

Hello to myself and everyone,

I am struggling with the idea that life goes on. Why? Why can't I take a sec? It hurts too much to just progress, I am not ready. But each day I have to function for my family, for my little ones. Then of course I feel heartless becasue I did. Doesn't my father deserve more?

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;

no disease that enough love will not heal;

no door that enough love will not open;

no gulf that enough love will not bridge;

no wall that enough love will not throw down;

no sin that enough love will not redeem...

It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble;

how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake.

A sufficient realization of love will…

Working, if you can call it that, on another essay...I don't know how I can do that, as I can't see the key board.  My first birthday without you.  This time last year, you were so sick, but here.  I miss you so much.  Life is again, lifeless without you.  Just going through the motions 'till we are together again. 

I don't feel you fading away, I feel you right with me.  I hope that I'm not stopping you from the work that you need to do.  But I want to join you so bad, so…

Yesterday was my grandmothers birthday. It was also the day my mother passed away. I know her absence has been apart of my life for awhile. I didn't cry yesterday as much I have in the past. I miss my mom every single day. But I thought about it...

Yes, I miss her. But I have to keep living. I…

After my fisrt post, I realized I should probbaly explain why I am here.  On December 31, 2010 I lost my husband Tim after a brief hospital stay.  We were together for just under 2 years and were married 6 months before he died.  Due to his medical history, we always knew he would pass sooner rather than later, but this was still a shock.

He had gone to the hospital on December 2, with a severe migraine, and shortness of breath.  He ended up with a blood infection which caused a…

 my namei  is mary at the age of nine iaccepted god as mypersonel savior  i  remember  my joy was going to church as afamily  seeing my dad play the guiter at church  at a early age i feelt the presents of god throughout my teenage years       and into adulthood iserved god  itwas not  easy  there  were  alot of trials  along  the way topainfull to write  about   getting married at a early age  was getting into something iwas not ready for   the doctors said icould not have any childrsn …

I lost my twin brother to alcohol on November 18, 2010. Well really I lost him to alcohol well before that. He had been drinking and smoking pot since the 7th grade (earlier some friends told me). I have to wonder what was so different about his growing up experience than mine that led him to drink. It boggles the mind really that we grew up together, shared a room till we were in the 4th grade, had all the same opportunities and challenges and it was him found dead, alone in his…

I sneeze just like my mom. I laugh explosively, just like my mom, I am a snob about education, just like my mom. When I would visit and answer her phone, people couldn't tell our voices apart. But I have spent YEARS trying not to be just like her. She was stoic, didn't believe that "talking" about feelings really helped anything. She felt that you got over bad times and strong feelings by getting active, doing things, getting things done. I on the other hand have been in therapy for five…

After reading so many entries by the people on this site of their traumatic losses, I know I have found a community of people who understand and are in the thick of grief, which is both helpful and a bit overwhelming that there is so much suffering.

The quick story is my twin brother was a life-long alcoholic and died Nov. 18, 2010. He had been out of his latest rehab facility for only two months. My Mom had open heart surgery Dec. 30 -- developed complications and died Feb. 13, 2011.…