Sometimes life seems like a full bag of tons of emotions, and much like a vulcano about to explode is my daily life filled with drama like a mexican soapopera. But the drama attracts more of much the same. And all of a sudden reality is full of crap I forgot where I signed up for it. Well I didn´t. In my case it´s time to refuse answering phone or door and sleep, rest, restore by setting the pace to heal SELF instead the clear option which is to buy sides in dramas that aren´t about me at…

About VULNERABILITY. Sometimes we attract shadows to our light. Just because we are wounded, however, it does not put us in the must deal with whatever crap comes our way. Simply put, a LIE is a lie. One can dance around it, paint colorful, draw a heart around, etc etc. Nevertheless a lie that is forced upon as truth all really does is show a lack of character. Some peers can cross the line between right and wrong as if it never existed, and some do this like second skin. And however…

I am having a lot to cope. Mother ilness and my own, and family members not useful, quite the opposite. We switched care givers and their poor decisions put me in a bigger problem and I had to stop seeing her. I fought a lot and still dump some crap from time to time. Now I try to be quiet and restore some leve of peace. With my ilness I felt emotionally vulnerable. One step forward for 2 back and taking it a day at a time. But hard to hide well enough so I can find some balance between…

Losing anyone sets you on the path of going through stages that only you can determine. However, the promise that you will get through them and come out of the tunnel into the sunlight is somewhere in the back of your mind.  Most people come through in time.  The promise of being happy is so alluring that it cannot help but generate an interest in moving forward.

~Mike

Spirit

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Found this article today and decided to save it here:

From Hay House by Christina Rasmussen

Imagine living a beautiful life with your husband and two baby daughters. You have just moved to a new state and city, loving every moment of it. I was 30 years old and he was 31. Change happened fast, as if in a scary movie. The ground we walked on shifted and we had to learn to fly…

First, I had to learn to love myself and to define myself individually without the “couple-ness” that was so easy to hide behind in the past.  I had to set the boundaries I was willing to work within, and most importantly, picture what I was supposed to be like when I became the new me.  I know now that I was functioning without a base of my own.  I believe grief’s job is to knock out your foundation so you never feel steady on your feet.  When that happens, though, confusion, fright, and…

i am not me coz of loss coz of so mush loss shes gon me shes gon sisne 2012

another year without you, today is your birthday, I feel so empty without you, my beautiful son how I miss you, I cry everyday, I pray everyday to be with you. I now mom will give you a wonderfull party, but I want nothing more than to die.  have a beautifull birthday to my special son, I love you always and forever   mom .

Hi Everyone.

   I have been thru sudden death and I understand what people go thru each day when they experience that in there lives. What happened to me I was sitting on my chair in the living room. my late husband told me he was going to take a shower and get dressed and watch tv. he looked very grey he was not himself at all. so I did not think much about it.  so I went to go check in on him. he was…

Talking with a so called friend today, she asked how I was doing , I just shrugged my shoulders to which she said, you do know there's people worse off than you, you know, I said I knòw there bloody is, but I feel lost , to which she just shrugged her shoulders. Until people lose their soul mate they can never understand, EVER! . I relate to nobody anymore, Also I was asked why don't I have facebook anymore, I said I can't bare to see happy families and loved up couples photos anymore, I was…

For me, when Barb died, it was like a light went out. I remember feeling like every cell in my body was drained of energy. I felt lifeless, non-emotional, cold, and hopeless, rather like the marionette that hung in my closet when I was a kid. My form

was here, but nothing within me was working.

                                ~Mike

You Are

You…

Last night was tough....very tough.  2 years ago, I thought he was going to die then. It was an emotional month while he was in ICU and step down.  But, it was the same date (5 months ago) that he went to his peace and I went here.  Today was not good either...especially when my mom realized what yesterday was and facebook showed a memory of him last year...almost healthy.  Some one said that the dates are hard, but it gets more routine.

There are times that I  wonder if I was too…

Tomorrow is that day....that horrible day when everything started to go to crap.  When he quit cooking for our riders, he went on a memorial run for a friend of ours that got in an accident the year before....the day that he got into his accident....and died in the ambulance.....I saw the chopper set down, and an acquaintance of mine ran out as the paramedic...and I yelled at him..."That's my hunny in there!  PLEASE take care of him!"....That was 2 years ago.    Yes, I got him for an extra…

• Reduced concentration
• A sense of numbness
• Disrupted sleeping patterns
• Changed eating habits
• Emotional Roller coaster

It's been one month that I lost my soulmate on Valentine's Day.  

This has been surreal, because it's like he just disappeared.  Living without him is becoming unbearable.

My love, I'm trying and I want to be strong, but I miss you so much. 

Remembering back to the day she died is like a brilliant flash of light. Barb died of a massive heart attack brought on by complications from Type 2 diabetes. To me, diabetes is a very …

Maybe I'm strange. I enjoy my memories.  Granted, it's tough and time is making it a little easier, but I think that it is only because I am learning how to "behave" when I remember.  I felt extremely lucky to have my hunny for the extra year and a half that I got. He died in the ambulance at his accident and if his C1 had chipped 1 mm the other way, he would've died or been paralyzed. Even though that year and a half was hard--I was caregiver for 5 months while he grew in strength and…