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Comment by bluebird on April 16, 2017 at 6:56pm

My husband died 4.5 years ago, and to me it is still not real. This world is not real, my life is not real and is pointless. I don't think that will ever change, for me.

I can't really offer any help as far as grief goes, but if you don't mind I would like to offer some practical advice.  You said that your partner handled all the bill paying, and that you couldn't work because of your broken ankle, so I'm assuming she was also the only wage-earner at the time she died.

I see from your profile page that you live in the UK, which is good, as your country has some decent social services at little or no cost. The first thing I would advise is to contact your local social services and get a Social Worker (or whatever the equivalent is in the UK) assigned to help you sort things out. I would think you would be eligible for disability or dole payments, and perhaps some sort of death benefit as well, but a Social Worker or similar would know and understand the intricacies of the social services system in your country and be able to help you navigate them. 

S/he should also be able to help you arrange transportation to doctor's visits, help you get your bill-paying sorted, assist with getting groceries in, etc.  You would probably also be eligible for visits to a therapist, if you wanted to do that. In the meantime, you could always give the Samaritans a call.

I hope this helps a bit. I'm sorry you are going through this hell as well.

Comment by Jackie cooke on April 6, 2017 at 5:34pm

Can anyone tell me when you start to believe this is real? It's like it's all a bad dream and every 10 seconds it hits me again that's it's happened, and every time it hits me it's like it just happened. I keep seeing her face as she grabbed my hand and said I'm going, it was so violent she sort of threw herself at me, one minute life in her eyes and they they were just staring. The 999 women said I had to get her flat on the floor, instigated as foot in plaster and she was so heavy and when I pulled her off the chair her head banged really hard on the tiles, I haven't told anyone else that, it must have really hurt her. I'd never hurt her. I just want her back, I want my normal mundane boring but blissfully happy life back, you don't know what you have till it's gone

Comment by rachel_micele on April 6, 2017 at 4:51pm

I still want to throw in the towel to this bullshit existence. Last month was my 2 year mark. My cat is truly the only reason I am still trying to figure my life out. I am so god damn tired of it all. 

Comment by Jackie cooke on April 6, 2017 at 2:26am

I'm so scared, I just want to give up, if it wasn't for my beautiful,dog I would but she would have no one to look after her if I wasn't here and she was shirls world. It has always been just me and her, our names were joined. I'm nothing now

Comment by rachel_micele on April 5, 2017 at 2:04pm

I'm so sorry Jackie. How she died sounds so surreal. "Give it time" is something naive people say. Don't have much encouragement because then I feel like I wouldn't be real with you. I'm sorry you are now a part of our world, a living nightmare of hell. But you will find people here who can understand and feel your pain unlike the "real" world.