If I begin to dance

does it mean I am too alive?

If I sing again

Does it mean I have forgotten you are gone?

If I laugh out loud

does it mean I have forgotten

You are forever silent?



If a day goes by

without a tear

is your memory fading?

If your name

is not spoken

does it mean you never were?



If my heart is light for an instant

does it mean I mourn you less?

And If I should get through a day

without the image of your…

Indeed life is interesting. The people hanging out have much to say about where WE ARE. Not because they are all good or bad, they are just BEING THEM and focusing in their BELLY BUTTON. It´s human nature, that´s all. What happens over time that makes some of them OLD NEWS, is that we grow out the need to have them. In fact whatever we most admired became a new stepping stone inside SELF. It´s not about COMPETITION, it´s about looking at mirrors and trying to cope with what looks not well…

THere is no way to come out from a loss not feeling STRONGER WITHIN. THere is no EASY way out, there is a swim against all human crap and a LOT of digging DEEP WITHIN. The hurt opens wounds that EXPOSE the SOUL with a MEANING that most won´t ever get. And we come to this point whereas we don´t have to BELONG to what is not improvement. We can let go the weights HOLDING BACK. Tired and done with the crawling and spreading the wings. Its all an inside job anyhow. We just go where our MIND…

Sometimes the emptiness of it all visits. You know that feeling at evenings and weekends, as if life is happening elsewhere. I don´t feel an engaging part. The parts to play are just not there, inside me. It´s the emptiness and quiet that is so loud. And I pick and choose and all comes back to hunt. As if happy faces are somewhere I don´t quite belong, and quitecan[t forget. Feels like in between life or else. Not that bad because not going for cheap thrills. Not weel enough to enjoy life as…

What does success in coping with death mean to you? Does it mean you can now walk your dog through the neighborhood and actually look up and smile as people go by?  Does it mean you went and bought flowers for the oak barrel that has been neglected for the past year? Does it mean you made chocolate chip cookies for the first time in God knows how long?  Or did you just go for a ride without crying or talk to your kids about something stupid and inconsequential?

      There are no…

"Just Walk With Me"…

As much as I´d like to take life quite serious, it´s not necessarily in my control and each jerk reaction out there yeah, I want to kick ass too. There is kiss, kick and put up with and as much as I´d love not to engage, life engages a few of those in that daily course of life perhaps to make sure we also belong to HUMAN RACE in the full range of what means to be part of it. I wonder what time does. Some people seems to be highly unaffected by time, positive or negative, more like 5 year…

It´s one of those things so much easier said than done. At days I st myself in the challenge to only SPEAK positive. Well it´s near IMPOSSIBLE to say and think good all the time because the peers, events and stuations demand from us different. It´s more possible when I am away from people and the interactions. Doctors visits for instance. People and this world is in most cases so deeply ROOTED into a NEGATIVE dynamics that we feel quite compelled to complain back just because in order not to…

When we have a loss we go through stages that arent forever, they move along like a roller coaster of a range of extreme feelings. Like a roller coaster between anger, frustration, sadness and feels like there is no end to the HURT. By interactions and a pattern of attracting equals in any level of interactions there may be, if we were to watch ourselves as the third person holding a camera to our outer expression we wouldcertainly qualify for best actor/actress of a mexican soapopera. We…

Best things in life don´t cost ANYTHING. This is my experience s a pet owner. There is so much more my dog gives me than most humans being will ever be able or WILLING. In her world I am her best friend, she puts her life in danger for me. If I went hungry, she would be right next to me. When I am in bedrest she does never leave bed before I do, NEVER. She just gets food, shelter and love...but her LOYALTY is much beyond what I can possibly give her. She is my friend, companion and…

There is a part of being human that is perhaps more evident to who is more an INTROSPECTIVE person. The part in me that the REBEL takes charge and propulse CHANGE. It´s not visible to others necessarily. Because it is in such a deep level, that most don´t quite read right. Works like this. When a lot of people tell you things that are not remotely acceptable, you make a longer distance from them to you. And they wonder what´s wrong, and of course they wont point at themselves reading you…

Today's been one of those days where I just can not breathe, I woke up like it, all day it's been on and off tears except when i was at work when I had to play at 'let's pretend everything is o.k and I'm not falling apart', which I'm actually pretty good at now, anyway it's been just such a hard day, I miss him every day, every second of it, but I try and keep it together, but on days like today I just lose it, I even feel angry and mad at him for dying, I shouldn't but I do, how could he…

Sometimes we get so caght up ih the realms of the what ifs and the have nots and the souldn´t, couldn´t wouldn´t. And what we miss is to find joy in the small things, to smile for the right reasons, and simply EXIST. We put so much pressure in that smile to happen that the guilt or whatever problem shuts the opportunities to ENJOY some more, and allow all to go and fall in place with a little less participation and letting time for things to eventually fall into place. It´s as if we trust…

Shifting the mind to the PRESENT is not only good, but necessary. THe PRESENT is the only time that EXISTS. The FUTURE and PAST are not real. They are a construct of our feelings and experiences and projections. The past is not only facts but attributted feelings and worth of experiences. Some taught, some were good, and some we chosse to forget. No matter what bringing the past to the present and projecting forward is a CHOICE. And most of us grieving don´t FEEL it´s a choice. In fact, we…

Many of us wonder if there will ever be PEACE. It does depend upon PEACE is mentally a real possibility. Meaning, you can´t achive what you don´t believe you DESERVE. As SOULS, we don´t come to this existence in pairs, and there is a reason people walk in and out our lives in one way or another, and that is because they are no longer NEEDED, and most likely it´s not for us to decide. It´s contemplation of what is and was that will lead to this very valuable conclusion. Creating to the soul a…

What does success in coping with death mean to you? Does it mean you can now walk your dog through the neighborhood and actually look up and smile as people go by?  Does it mean you went and bought flowers for the oak barrel that has been neglected for the past year? Does it mean you made chocolate chip cookies for the first time in God knows how long?  Or did you just go for a ride without crying or talk to your kids about something stupid and inconsequential?

      There are no…

After so many days and nights in this internal struggle to LIVE in this body and mind that more resembled a world war, being mty body the place and my soul the victim. Only echos of hurt propagating this waves of internal constand struggle. I removed myself from a lot of things, so I could sort out what was internal and triggers and just finding peace was a hard enough JOB. And out there more crap to my crap when craptometer is already running on overload. TODAY I FEEL ALRIGHT. First day in…

why can't I die