I am just so god damn tired. Everything takes a ridiculous, enormous amount of energy. A simple trip to the store, getting a haircut, many times just getting out of bed in the first place. It is exhausting. The first death anniversary I went into a block. The second has felt like a second knock out punch when I'm still in the critical care unit from the first one 2 years ago. I haven't even begun to recover. Just struggle to survive. I'm fighting for a life I've given up on.

Taking a…

Healing is not about fighting feelings. I think the more we fight them the more neglected they become and come back worse and in ways that makes for a poor outles to say the least. These feelings cannot be neglected, and yet cannot be just discarted. THey have to be DEALTH with. In the realms of HEALING, we must recoup enough to no longer need them....to be able to let go, detach. It´s so much easier said than done. Some we think we are done with return from the dead given triggers and…

I remeber asking that myself sometimes when the worry sleeps with me and is stil present in the morning. Almost like a nightmare we fight the mind off to sleep, and it´s right there in the minute we wake up. For me thats the time to put some positive input in the brain. And since heading out and about even for a dog walk can be difficult with the pains in my back, I must try something else. Medicines altering the brain, I am very allergic. Thus in the times I´ve been in bed for over 6 years…

Here is something to help rescuing the mind from the negative thinking by replacing by positive thinking and ALLOW HEALING to take place. Guided meditation and music helps to bring the mindset back to the present and in the positive side of life. My favorites are from LOUISE HAY. There is more online. ENJOY!

Morning guided meditation 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jNV1FV-_Os

Self Love…

As I start regaining grounds of my OWN LIFE, it´s amazing how many people love to through some crap to get a negative reaction. Of course if they touch my HURT the WRONG WAY, they gained just MORE DISTANCE form my feelings and life. It´s not about them. It´s about TIME my life is ABOUT ME. If they cared to SUPPORT my HEALING, they WOULD NOT be doing that. Settting me off will work just perfect knowing exactly where my HURT is, but in fact what they just EARNED was a greater physical distance…

Life CHANGES all the time according to our perception and choices and opportunities presented to us. Some changes are more abrupt and unwelcome than others. And some are more than welcome anytime. And we can´t wait for that change to happen. Fact is CHANGES are part of life, and acceptance makes a little easier every day. Coping with loss of course is time consuming and hard. And even when we come to accept, peers around us love to throw us right back where we were. By reminding how good it…

When we are healing, there is something obvious to us that may not be perceived by most. That time is just a convention. Time in our clocks are just for the rotation of the earth and makes easier to plan our dayly tasks. But healing makes day and nights alike and suffering seems a forever and around and beyond the clocks issue. Comes and goes the hurt with no invitation or time of the day. I think if we were to truly give TIME a meaning, we would have to know HOW LONG we would be alive…

Being the caregiver changed where I was going in more ways I could sense at the time. I was to remain single to take care of my ill mother. I was to have no life other than from emergency to emergency. I was to work and take care of myself AFTER the needs of my mother were taken care. I was not to go anywhere outside the city boundaries, and always near home and with the cel phone charged. I was not to drink one drop of alcohol just in case any emergency came up and I needed to drive. I was…

Strangely recently I caught myself in this repetitive loop of my mind taking me repeatedly to this GHOST PLACE. Well, a place I used to have happy moments with my mother. It´s a place we used to go have lunch or just relax having some pop to drink. It´s a pub at night, buffet at lunch time. Basicallty it´s run by a large family and open 24 hrs a day every day of the week. It´s just across my street, thus in my way in and out to other places. For about a good couple months I have been…

By Dr. Natasha Josefowitz

Everyone deals with pain differently. What helps me is trying to understand it. When my husband died, the pain was so intense that I wondered whether I would survive it. I did survive and decided to learn and write about the pain of loss and the process of healing. I used my own experience after the death of my husband four years ago, my cousin and my…

One thing I learned in the roller coaster there is to recoup, nearly NO ONE is the right company. Most don´t understand the triggers and after they see what does they blame instead of SUPPORTING and being a healing part of the process. I am used to lots of people wherever I go and do what I need to do. But when it comes from this emotional stage where balance is very fragile on my own, I had to pick wisely and be VERY SELECTIVE. Most people i the family are way behind and try one way or…

I remember when the family got involved in care giving after so many times they were called to help but couldn´t care less, in fact most had a LOT to SAY. But little DOING. But roles reverse, don´t they? I kept doing and all their critique was just lesson learned to do more and talk less. Because talk is useless around people who swallowed the truth in their tiny small little worlds. THE SAME PEOPLE finelly getting involved was that mess multiplied into one bad choice after the other. But…

Moving life forward is relative, isn´t it? Basically there is no point in getting into action mode until we understand WHERE we are going or WHY. In the many hard times and multiple losses in my life, I gained EXPERIENCE that life is not about who MOVES FASTER, rather who chooses wisely the DIRECTION they are advancing life TOWARDS. There are too many roads to take and much to invest of time, energy, and resources. In society, it´s common to confuse wealth with health, doing versus quietly…

Sometimes we suffer from wanting a lot things that are not to our actual benefit. I find most of the loops in our minds leading to acke for the lack of anything can be simply because we are not sleeping well. And because of all we went through, the mind goes back to what it was. But it´s not by facing the world´s crap or putting the face out there to get hit that we get anywhere GOOD in ters of life balance. In fact, it´s quite the opposite. Limit exposre and realize when exceds craptometer…

CAREGIVING versus GIVING SELF a LIFE. Being a caregiver can be quite draining. As I divorce myself from that situation and deal with OWN life issues and things...the path back is quite something. Everyone around got used to what I did for the sick one, and never really bothered to ask if it was ok with me. Not that I wasn´t there or didn´t have my own opinion, just that I held back and kept to the back of my head the thoughts and words which would not be of any benefit to that person elder…

The clock stops. It´s that time of the day to get lost and found in a realm of emotions by NOT neglecting. Just like letting the waves come and go until the waters can calm down. To allow whatever helps dig deeper that PEACE that can be hard to find outside our own SELF there. To find a level of interactions that arent just crap on top of a mountain of crap, you know, that limit that allows to reverse easily from bad to good, to actually start enjoying life some more and more. But because…

DETACH. When illness or whatever loss we face in the first person or else, we are forced to rethink what plans we had that will no longer work. Its like crying for what should, could, would have been IF that NEVER HAPPENED. Yes, the future of our PLANS change constantly shaped by the options in the PRESENT. Future is nothing more than lots of present time summed up. And the incident of loss is just a sometimes cruel reminder for connecting to the present and erase the projections and…

Ordinary life...back to the BASICS. What are the basic needs? Shelter, food, health, and build a life allowing loving people around us. All else that does not construct or build to that, is a waste of ENERGY and TIME. When one is hurting, they tend to relate to others on the same level. Meaning they are choosing to enter and build others up or whatever they think is good, not realizing that is just temporary relief. Because realistically speaking no one can stop each other hurt because the…

About TUNNEL VISION. Sometimes life is hitting us from so many directions that we tend to have TUNNEL VISION. Meaning we feel not strong enough to fight in all directions, and take the path of least resistance. Problem is that that is not the direction we would choose ever if we were to disconsider all the pressure. Thus we drag all this opposition and let this determine where we are going, and by dragging seems much like a person trying to walk with a bag full of rocks thrown our way that…