Strangely recently I caught myself in this repetitive loop of my mind taking me repeatedly to this GHOST PLACE. Well, a place I used to have happy moments with my mother. It´s a place we used to go have lunch or just relax having some pop to drink. It´s a pub at night, buffet at lunch time. Basicallty it´s run by a large family and open 24 hrs a day every day of the week. It´s just across my street, thus in my way in and out to other places. For about a good couple months I have been stopping there so often, that although I don´t like much alcahol I found myself drinking with neighbours. Wasn´t like me at all, though. And of course soon enough the comforting came along at a quite high cost emotionally wise. Basically there is a numer of guys there that would love to take a good piece of my heart and use this body for nothing useful from my rational side. However the more I knew people the most they wanted me hanging out, and drinking very little and not caring for alcahol was a bonus. Anyhow. One day I came to the point of realizing why go there if it´s nothing like me? I never eat out, I love to cook. I don´t like alcahol, and there is no way to enjoy a pub drinking coke. Gets boring real quick. And i was tired and dragging myself during the day as that took me to be up till very late. And in pain as well from my back surgeries. But one day I caught myself asking myself...why am I going? What I want is NOT THERE. Never WILL BE. The comfort I grasp for is really an inside job. The best I find there to relate is people masking their own typds of loss and pains with alcohol and under that influence everything goes. And everybody gets lame on the personal side of life. Blame alcahol for whatever is, divorce, casual sex, betrayal of their wives or husbands, and other craps they couldnt remotely explain sober and single. And together the realm of feelings is numbed and not dealt in any shape or form closer to a healthy process. First day I didn´t go, I felt as if I had to chain in my bed my wish to be out there. One part of me has this self talk like it´s friday and you will be home? Go for one more dog walk and see who is around. The other side of me COMMON SENSE would reason, it´s getting late and there is always the same peers throwing their lives down the drain there and self medicating with alcohol their own issues. It´s not a place to heal, just where misery finds company. So, when that conflict came about, I just got quiet until I understood the reason, the REAL REASON to do that. There is a memory being relived there that is not possible to replace. By me going there, it´s not helping much. I gotta let go the attachment for that feeling, or get my life that derrailed and deal with the consequences which are completely out of my character and nature. I am SURE THERE is LOTS MORE GHOST HABITS and PLACES than I realize or identify. But the urge going away from the ones I know now works fine. Griefing after all is just that...taking a day at a time and making some steep curves and forgiving more than guilting SELF. Been through enough and don´t need more of some craps out there. Reality check. GHOST places don´t BRING the PEOPLE back. Just brings the HURT back. That´s it.