I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  My husband died unexpectedly in January, he had alcohol problems and went off two days after Christmas the police informed me on 8 January they had found his body.  The shock of something so unexpected is unexplainable there are so many questions left unanswered.  I go to bereavement counselling but at the moment the grief is just as raw as the beginning of the year. There are no quick fixers and joining this forum is a comfort that other people have and are going through similar forms of grief.  All you can do is accept the grief, do not expect too much from yourself and just try to get by an hour or a day at a time.  Everyone will experience grief differently all I can say is that you are not alone.

Warmest wishes to you.