It is now six weeks since my heart was torn in half. The unbearable pain of that moment is healing, just as one heals after major surgery.

I may be alive, but I am not living, I am existing. The only emotion I come close to feeling is the pain form losing Nanette, but it is so unbearable I run from it.

Things like this are supposed to happen to other people, not my family. But this time we are the other people and I am lost, lonely and so very, very sad to even consider it is…

When I open "My Page" the picture of my beautiful wife full of life greets me and seeing it feels like she is still here.

Acceptance is still a long journey for me, I cannot comprehend life without her. But every day the reality hits and knocks the wind out of me.

You can see the impact just driving by our house. Here it is November 7th and there are piles of leaves in both the front and back yards. Something I would never have let happen when Nanette was here. She made me want…

And the days seem to get longer

As the nights stay the same

I wish I could see your face…

Nanette died on September 26th, one month ago. As my daughter said, this has been the longest and the shortest month or our entire lifes. I can't begin to imagine the sadness she carries. Bailey loved her mom so much, but then we all loved each other so much. We never ended a conversation on the phone with out saying I love you. Let me ammend that to say we never end a conversation. And it was no different with her brother Alex.

If we were leaving to pick something up at the store, we…

When you stop counting the minutes, hours, days and weeks that have passed, does that mean you are starting to heal? I'm still counting...

I work at dealing with this unbearable grief by talking, writing, going to therapy and my primary source of comfort, my faith in Jesus Christ.

Intellectually I feel normal, but emotionally and this may sound weird, but even physically I feel like I am missing half of me. I am confused, apathetic and some times angry.

The things I once…

It has been 17 days since my baby boy went to heaven. Where do I go from here? I have joined every online support group possible. I am currently reading 4 books to help me with the grieving process. I have gone through boxes of kleenex. I have received more than 15 bouquets of flowers and plants, over 30 sympathy cards and I still don't know where to go from here. Who said there is a standard grieving process? I have been called by several family members trying to console me, calls from…

3 weeks ago tonight I lost my wife. Today has been so very difficult as I miss her so much yet it is still too painful to comprehend. I know I keep repeating that, but that is how I feel. I feel so lost without her after 23 years married but nearly 25 together.

How can anyone even begin to adjust when your best friend is gone in the blink of an eye.

It is almost midnight and I have to get up at 5 am to go to work after 3 weeks off trying to recover. Trying to recover? That is…

I look at pictures and she is still as alive as she was at 9:30 pm Seprtember 26th. I know Nanette is gone, but when I see the photos and just going about normal day to day activities everything feels normal and I expect to see her when I get out of bed in the morning or when I sit outside on the patio I wait for her to come out and then the paralyzing grief hits that those things will never happen again.

My heart cannot accept it and I believe God is holding the reality back until I…

Nanette,

You are always there, always the formost thoughts in my mind. The shock is starting to lessen, but now I the really difficult stage is setting in; missing you. You are the reason I did my best, the reason I went to work when I was too sick to be on two feet. I hate cleaning and am a pig, yet I always tried to pick up after myself and put anything away that I had taken out of it's place.

Now my clothes are all over the bedroom, I have piles of paper on every available…

I have a lot of anger towards you mom. I wasn't ready for you to go. You had me by yourself and you made me promise you that I would never leave your side. I kept my promise but you did not. You didn't have to have that knee surgery. I told you to wait until your fully ready. But you refused to listen to me. That's why I wasn't there the day of your surgery.

Until they called me and told me you stopped breathing during surgery. I got that phone call when I walked into work. I…