I have a lot of anger towards you mom. I wasn't ready for you to go. You had me by yourself and you made me promise you that I would never leave your side. I kept my promise but you did not. You didn't have to have that knee surgery. I told you to wait until your fully ready. But you refused to listen to me. That's why I wasn't there the day of your surgery.

Until they called me and told me you stopped breathing during surgery. I got that phone call when I walked into work. I…

So.. I really don't know how to feel happy. I walk around with a face all the time. Last night, I was joking around with my roommate we ended joking around and jumping around on her bed, while we were supposed to be making it. I ended up jumping on the bed so hard that I totally fell right off. Bam! hit the floor. I took her down with me and I guess, braced her fall.

I never laughed so hard in my life. On the floor rolling back and forth. I got up and still was gasping for air…