So.. I really don't know how to feel happy. I walk around with a face all the time. Last night, I was joking around with my roommate we ended joking around and jumping around on her bed, while we were supposed to be making it. I ended up jumping on the bed so hard that I totally fell right off. Bam! hit the floor. I took her down with me and I guess, braced her fall.

I never laughed so hard in my life. On the floor rolling back and forth. I got up and still was gasping for air from the laughing. Then this sudden emotion came over me. I'm not supposed to laugh. I then started crying. It hurt to laugh, it really did, and I feel guilty for that. I shouldn't be laughing. I should be grieving my mother. It's only been 2 months.