I have a lot of anger towards you mom. I wasn't ready for you to go. You had me by yourself and you made me promise you that I would never leave your side. I kept my promise but you did not. You didn't have to have that knee surgery. I told you to wait until your fully ready. But you refused to listen to me. That's why I wasn't there the day of your surgery.

Until they called me and told me you stopped breathing during surgery. I got that phone call when I walked into work. I drove in a blizzard one hour away, it only look me 40 minutes. I was by your side the whole time. Just like you wanted.

Then, you went to physical rehab. And you didn't like me again. You argued every time you could. But I refused to leave. Then I got a phone call you were being rushed to the hospital. You were complaining of abdomen pain and your fever was over 105. You had to go through another surgery but this time it was life or death. You stopped breathing again. But you came back to me. You were on life support and all I wanted was my mom back so I made the choice to keep you on the machines.

You slowly came to and got weened off the breathing machine. I was so happy I got you back. Then they sent you far away and I couldnt see you every day. You got so angry with me, I couldnt even look at you. But I came as much as I could. Because I loved you Mom. Yes, I love you mom!

They made a choice to bring you to the best surgical hospital in NY. When you got there they then decided that you wouldn't make it if you went through surgery. So they brought you close to me, in a nursing home down the road. I enjoyed seeing you every day and if not picking up the phone and call you.

THe last thing you asked me is what I want. I said I want my mom back. I guess you couldn't give that back to me. So choose to let me go.

MOM, I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO. I WASN'T READY TO! I am not ready to do this on my own. I lost my girlfriend of 2 years, because I was too worried about you. Now I have to take care of my 86 year old grandfather who is all I have left. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him too. Why are you punishing me for something I should not be punished for.

I am lost, and I have no direction. And the worst part it, I lost the only direction in my life. YOU