Today is november 15. Yesterday was my little boys 25th birthday. He was killed one month before his thirteenth birthday. I thought by now the pain would'nt be so bad but guess what, I was wrong again! But I must admit it does get easier in different ways. I think maybe it's time. Time must be the only way to survive this whole thing. Oh sure a persoon couldd quit but that generally doesn't turn out so good in the end. You could get locked up in a physc ward but trust me that makes the process take even longer. I suppose one could drink or drug it away but remember what goes up must come down and the landing isn't always the least painless, plus it causes alot of other problems that might not be reversabile.I'm starting to think that watching what you want on tv, eating what you want, wearing as comfortable of clothes that you have, curl up with your favorite blanket and just ease the day away. Then tomorrow you start fresh until the next birthday or anniversary or holiday comes up that you can't handle. Yep I'm thinking it's time that really does heal all wounds. Last month I wanted to die. Today i'm glad I waited for the time to go by because today I'm happy to be here and greatful that I let myself have the patience to wait the time out. The pain was immense. the sorrow is never ending, but the wonderful memories always come through at the end of the storm, and I have been having storms for 12 years. Time always proves to me that at the end of every storm there's a rainbow and my good memories are my rainbow. Its taken a very long time to learn how to use my memories as a way of rewarding myself after a bout with a storm. At first I could barely even think let alone remember things and then when I could remember I did'nt want to it was to painful. Now time has done it's job! I still have my storms and sometimes I wonder if I'm gonig to make it through them and sometimes I just want to scream. Then I allow myself to think about the reward at the end of the storm and I gather up as much strenth as I can andI do my best to get through it because storms don't last forever and this one will pass too! The reward far outweighs the storm. If the Lord came down and asked me if I would do it all over again even with the same results would I do it and I would have to say why yes I would becase the 13 years I had with my son are irrepalceable. and he made me so happy that those13 years were a gift of a lifetime to me. I will always love him and I will always be greatful for having him. I will cherish his memory forever.