When I open "My Page" the picture of my beautiful wife full of life greets me and seeing it feels like she is still here.

Acceptance is still a long journey for me, I cannot comprehend life without her. But every day the reality hits and knocks the wind out of me.

You can see the impact just driving by our house. Here it is November 7th and there are piles of leaves in both the front and back yards. Something I would never have let happen when Nanette was here. She made me want to have our house look nice because it was important to her and I always wanted to please her.

Don't even think about coming into our house, it is a disaster. Even at her worst it was never this bad, and the sad thing is I am trying to keep it up, but I just can't bring myself to give the extra effort.

Losing her took away my joy of life, my energy, my drive to please her still kicks in and then I just fall apart.

When something good happens my first impulse is to call Nanette to tell her because I know she will either be proud of me or just happy to hear the good news. That leaves me feeling like an empty shell of a man.

I would say there is nobody to call to share the news with but people will respond that they care and I know they do, but they cannot possibly care like Nanette did.

That is the cruelest thing about losing the love of your life and best friend, they cannot be replaced by anybody or anything, and you feel all alone.

I get through each day and it feels like it does when she would visit her mom or her sister out of state; it is just temporary and things will be back to normal when she comes home. Again, it is paralyzing because all of a sudden it feels like it did the first day, she is gone and never coming back.

Sometimes I get mad, sometimes sad, but all the time I miss her. This was not supposed to happen to us, it is supposed to happen to people I don't know and to be brutaly honest, don't care about.

Now I am the other person it happens to, but it doesn't matter if others don't care, they will find out how it feels one day only then they will have me caringabout them because I know how bat it is.