I just got the news that my just-to-be 4 year old grandson will be moving with dad across the country from Calif., where he was born and we are from, to Connecticut to dad's hometown!  He will have 0 family there, no aunties, uncles, cousins, etc.!   I am feeling so sad and feel it is yet another Loss to cope with.  My daughter passed away frm cancer  over a year ago and my son-in-law kept promising that he would not move the grandson away, yet they will be leaving in June.  Can't see the…

How am I supposed to cope?  I struggle everyday to deal with the loss of the woman I loved.  I have been ignored and made to feel insignificant in her life by her parents, some of her friends, her University..... Everywhere I go, everything I do she is there.  There in a song.  There in a shop.  There in a beautiful sunset.  There in my home....in my car.  Everything reminds me of her.  I look at our photos.  I watch videos.  My heart hurts.  I cannot breath.  I cry....a lot.    I read so…

My older sister. A shaping tool, like the one wood carver's use to make sculptures. 

We never realize it but sometimes the people who get underneath our skin the most...like an annoying sibling who has absolutely no fear of telling us exactly what they think of us, are the best thing that could happen to us. It's only when they're not there anymore you realize that every time you scraped yourself against them in a debate or a squabble, they were shaping you in ways you didn't even…

I can't believe how lost I feel these days. I have never felt like this before. I have always been the strong one who holds everybody up, but now I feel so broken and the one person who was able to hold me together is the person I'm missing so much. For the last 17 years he was the person I could depend on no matter what, even when we were apart from one another and got a dissolution he was still there whenever I needed him. Those that knew either of us well were not surprised when we…

Sunday October 23, 2011 I was at work at around 1:45 pm when my phone popped up saying I had a facebook message from my neighbor Katie, the message was sent to me and my brother and said something along the lines of "I need one of you to call me asap it's kind of an emergency" I thought to myself maybe she was locked out or forgot to turn off the oven, or lock the doors.. worst case scenario I thought something was wrong with her house or her family. I called her to see what was going on and…

IT IS OVER 2 YEARS SINCE MY WIFE DIED.   THE GRIEF THAT I WAS SUFFERING HAS ONLY GROWN WORSE. MY CHILDREN WHO LIVE IN OTHER STATES HARDLY CALL ME.   I SPEND THE DAYS WRITTING POEMS ABOUT MY WIFE.  TODAY I SENT 4 POEMS INTO THE COPYRIGHT OFFICE.   I AM A VETERAN AND IT WAS EASIER IN COMBAT THEN GO THRU EACH DAY IN MY DEEP GRIEF.   I WENT FOR HELP BUT NOTHING HAD HELP ME IN ANYWAY.    THE DAYS COME AND THE DAYS GO BUT MY GRIEF CONTINUES TO GROW.   THANKS FOR READING.   HAVE A GOOD WEEK.     …

Hollister died on December 23. He left just before Christmas. While he was in the hospital, all through December, he'd been preparing (behind my back) for Christmas. One day, I caught him with a large wad of money. He told me he wanted to get me something really special for Christmas. While we were talking, he asked if there was something really special I wanted. I told him that I had been wanting an expensive digital camera for some time - there was just never enough money, so I kept…

so this is where I get the chance to write all of my feelings. and i am going to do just that. For the past 10 months, since my husband's passing, I have been stucked in this house literally 24/7 besides going to work and buying necessities. Yesterday, there was a small get together for my husband's aunt, so after so much thinking, thinking, I decided to go along with My son... I knew that my husband would have wanted us to go, so that kept me moving forward with the plan. I took the step…

Hello my blog. It's been a long time since I have spoke to you. I must say I have missed you. For a long time I thought I might delete you and ever come back to this sight. I felt like no one wanted to hear about the good and about survival, but I have learned that to each his own. I am at a crossroad in my life. I have learned that not everyone reaches this crossroad at the same time. I am a very hardheaded kinda gal. I have been through so much over the years that it makes my head spin…

My mother was suddenly diagnoised with a unknown cancer and had 6 months to live in 2009. I have a brother and sister also. My mother prepared her financial affairs before her death.  After my mother's passing my sister was suppose to give me and my brother money my mother had at home. Instead for 3 months my sister would not talk to me or give me any of the money. I would ask her numerous times what did I do to you. She would just say you did not do anything and kept all the money.  My…

my life has been upside down since my husband was killed.. i try each day to fight against all emotions and try to find ways to cope, but my pain inside my heart does not seem to get better but worsen with time. i try to avoid all reunions or meeting with family because i just want to avoid people asking me how I am and rather stay indoors all the time.  i just think about my husband and cant believe or accept that he is really gone. i am literrally avoiding all subject with regards to my…

Will someone please help me? I couldnt be anymore lost than I am right now. No one understand what I'm going through. They say the grieve time is over and I should move on. Its only been 6 days since I found out....

I've been so depressed lately. I need to know how I can move on from this betrayal. Why would my so called friend tell us we can adopt her baby then go in for an abortion and tell us she had a miscarriage? Who does that? I am so lost its all I can think about it consumes my thoughts every minute since I found out the truth. It a huge loss. I wanted that baby so bad, I saw it's little hand and body on the ultrasound picture. "My friend" even went with me to check out baby items all…

I never realized that I would be faced with so many "events" to cope with when she died.  Making the funeral arrangements, doing the visitation, then the funeral itself, those were the obvious things.  But then came the REAL challenges. 

First, what do I do with all her stuff?  Reading through other folks' posts, it appears many people could wait before they started dealing with the loved one's stuff.  But I didn't have much choice.  She had become a hoarder with respect to clothes,…

I majored in English (and Psychology) in college and, at times like this, I hate trying to write.My mind is foggy. How do I start? What do I really want to say? Why am I even writing?

These days, the fog seems to be a constant companion. "I know I got up to do something . . . but what?" I can't say I've moved very far since December 23, 2011. It's been too foggy. 

Before that day, there was a lot of motion. I met my love on September 29, 2007. He was…

Veronica was the love of my life and we had been together almost 13 years.  Then Saturday morning Jan 7, 2012... I went into my living room and found her dead on the floor.  I called her name, of course there was no answer.  I looked for signs of her breathing, of course there was no movement.  I reached down to shake her, and she was already cold and stiff.

She had experienced some health issues, and for the last year she had difficulty breathing.  While the final toxicology results…

I got through the one year anniversary OK. I went up to the lighthouse where Ken died and walked along the beach nearby. It wasn't too cold, considering it's in Maine in February.It was Valentine's Day.

This was a favorite place of his, and also his mother's. He'd scattered his mother's ashes there, and we scattered his ashes there also (and also his cat's ashes).

I will not let the fact that he died there taint the place for me. I will always have fond memories of our visits…