so this is where I get the chance to write all of my feelings. and i am going to do just that. For the past 10 months, since my husband's passing, I have been stucked in this house literally 24/7 besides going to work and buying necessities. Yesterday, there was a small get together for my husband's aunt, so after so much thinking, thinking, I decided to go along with My son... I knew that my husband would have wanted us to go, so that kept me moving forward with the plan. I took the step forward to go and try this new chapter. However, despite everyone been so nice and supportive, I can say, "It sucked"!!!!!, It was bad, awful, lonely, all of the emotions all wrapped into one.. I just catched myself looking around, for a minute, I just thought to myself that I will see my husband in between the crowd, but no, that was not the case.. And it hurted so much.. That was obviously not a "picture perfect". i FELT LIKE A HUGE LOONER!! AND to make things worst, I saw family members, whom I had not seen since he died, and all asking the "How are you" question, WTF? Do you really want to know the answer??

Every tear I drop, it creates a wake up call on my brain, that there is someone to blame for all of this... And that is the murderer who is still out there, who took away my husband's life, with no remorse whatsoever...

Thanks for reading...