For the past 11 months, I have been avoiding all that reminds me of my "new" reality. Avoiding, outings, family reunions, friends, events etc. Because that reality check up, hurts to much, creates anxiety, loneliness, frustration, anger, hate, you name it. The reality that I cannot change, the reality that my husband or daddy are no longer here with me.

However, there are times that I cannot control reality from punching me in the stomach. obstacles that trigger reality without me being able to walk out from it or avoid it. Like yesterday, my car broke down, and for the first time I took it to a mecanic. Prior to this, my husband will always fix it and get it repaired. But now i realize he is no longer here to fix it no more, or help me, or support me.

I have been crying out so much since yesterday. Not so much about the car itself but the reality that I am now alone at all of this..My eyes are puffy red and just want my husband or my dad back to rescue me!!

Help!!