I got through the one year anniversary OK. I went up to the lighthouse where Ken died and walked along the beach nearby. It wasn't too cold, considering it's in Maine in February.It was Valentine's Day.

This was a favorite place of his, and also his mother's. He'd scattered his mother's ashes there, and we scattered his ashes there also (and also his cat's ashes).

I will not let the fact that he died there taint the place for me. I will always have fond memories of our visits there. I'd never been there before he took me up there 3 months after we'd met and several times more. In May I will go up there again and go to the ice cream place down the road where we enjoyed ice cream a couple of times in the summer months. Sometimes we went in his car and sometimes on his motorcycle. I miss the motorcycle rides. Who knows if I'll ever be on one again. He expanded my horizons and I miss the fun we had. I don't seem to have fun friends. I miss going out for breakfast, going out to dinner, hanging out at his place watching TV, the trips we took. I am alone a lot and don't get out much. I need to have fun again, but what do I want to do for fun by myself?

I love you Ken, I always will. I will always be grateful for you being in my life, if only for 3 years. The deep love I felt for you definitely outweighs the pain and sorrow of losing you.

It really is true what Alfred Lord Tennyson said:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.