I got through the one year anniversary OK. I went up to the lighthouse where Ken died and walked along the beach nearby. It wasn't too cold, considering it's in Maine in February.It was Valentine's Day.

This was a favorite place of his, and also his mother's. He'd scattered his mother's ashes there, and we scattered his ashes there also (and also his cat's ashes).

I will not let the fact that he died there taint the place for me. I will always have fond memories of our visits…

Last weekend I went to do an angel card reading for a friend of my cousin. He had lost his wife earlier this year. After the reading we were talking about grief and loss. The next day I got a call from my cousin. Joe, the friend, Had gone to see a medium that morning and after getting messages from his wife, the medium asked 'Who is Ken?'. Somehow Ken used Joe's reading to send a message to me! Ken told the medium and Joe that he loves me very much, he is sorry for leaving early and he wants…

I have been feeling sad since Thanksgiving. I was busy with cousins on Thanksgiving and the night following, but eating the leftovers I brought home has made me feel lonely. I always brought the leftovers to Ken's house and we ate them together. They would have been gone sooner than just me eating them. Although he broke up with me a several times, we were always together Thanksgiving weekend. Not always on the holiday itself, but for the weekend. And I am really missing him not being here…

It's hard to believe it's 7 months tonight. In one way it seems like a long time, in another way it seems short. I am doing better. I was at my support group tonight for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and I felt like I was able to say a few helpful things. That felt good. When I first went there, I felt very shy and didn't want to say anything. But it is good to talk about it. And with this group, people understand the questions, the regrets, the if only's, and it's OK to talk…

A few weeks after Ken's death, I went up to the lighthouse where he went to die. I read out loud some poems and words I had written - my version of a funeral service for him. It was a cold, blustery day and the few people who were there were in their cars to stay warm so could not hear me. After I finished and stood there for a bit looking at the lighthouse, the phrase 'free as a bird' popped into my head, and at that moment, a bird flew off the rocks up into the air. I felt that was a sign…

I am here because my boyfriend of 3 years died by suicide in February. For the first few weeks, I thought I was handling it very well, but I realized later that I was numb. I have good days and sad days. I try to accept what feelings come and not judge myself for them.

I talk to him often, mostly when I wake up or right before I go to sleep. I send him love every day. I have heard that that helps their soul/spirit.

Some of my friends do not seem to understand…