seeking advice

Hi! My sister died suddenly on August11,2012. I was living in the states and just accepted a post in Paris to work as a teacher. I flew back to bury my sister and be with my family. My new job started on August 25. My gut told me to wait to relocate to a brand new country. However, everyone said that I should move forward and my sister would have wanted me to go. I reluctantly left for Paris and began a new life. I felt there was something off about the cause of her death. I notified the coroner and found out that my sister actually died of an accidental overdose. This had saddened me beyond words. I have been struggling with delayed grief. I want to return to the states to deal with this loss. However, I have a 2 year contract. My old job wants me back but I feel guilty for abandoning my current post. Paris is very far away and I feel that I need to go back to something familiar. I lived in Seattle and my sister lived in Connecticut. Should I follow what I need to do to heal?

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Comment by Bonnie Elizabeth Fleming on March 8, 2012 at 4:54pm

No one can really answer that but you, I think.  I can tell you what multiple people have been telling me...and that is to not make any life-changing decisions until one whole year has passed.  In other words, if the decision to go to Paris was made and firm in your heart before your sister died, then honor that decision made with thought and consideration when you were "in your non-grief-stricken" condition.  Something along these same lines is going on in my life right now and that is the advice I'm being given.  Part of me understands this advice and sees the wisdom of it and the rest of me rebels against it.  So far I am taking the advice...but just as different people grieve differently, I think the atmospheres we all want to grieve in will be different for different people too.  Listen attentively to that still small voice inside of you that tells you what is right for YOU. 

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