Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
How am I supposed to cope? I struggle everyday to deal with the loss of the woman I loved. I have been ignored and made to feel insignificant in her life by her parents, some of her friends, her University..... Everywhere I go, everything I do she is there. There in a song. There in a shop. There in a beautiful sunset. There in my home....in my car. Everything reminds me of her. I look at our photos. I watch videos. My heart hurts. I cannot breath. I cry....a lot. I read so much on here about God and faith and I have none. In my eyes a benevolent god would not let this happen.
I am a broken man.
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I understand what you mean about her being everywhere. It's been 9 weeks now since I found the love of my life dead on the floor. The house still has a lot of her stuff in it, no matter which room I go in there are things that remind me of her. I drive down the road, I see places we went, or ate at, or did something there. All day long, every day, I can be overwhelmed by her memory if I let myself stay in her memory too much.
I now try not to look at her pictures and videos. I did for a few weeks, but then I had to make a conscious decision to stop looking at them. I'm not going to erase them, merely I am going to chose to try to focus on something else instead.
For many weeks I could not breath either, the gut-wrenching sobs would tear my body apart. I too questioned the concept of a benevolent God, and even now I have trouble with faith sometimes. I believe that her death was not caused by God though.
It's very difficult for me sometimes even after 9 weeks. I woke up this morning feeling more or less OK, and for a couple of hours I was fine (well more or less). Then suddenly out of the blue my loss hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying again, but my sobs for the last few weeks are more subdued when I cry, rather than the deep gut-wrenching sobs that I had for the first six weeks or so.
Going to a grief therapist has helped me some. Our society does little to prepare us for death or the grieving process. Church just tells us "oh its OK, she's gone to heaven, that's all you need to know". The church folks might come by with some food at the visitation, maybe a couple of them will call during the next week, but then they disappear. Other folks tell us we just need to be strong and stoic and don't cry...evidently they have not lost the love of their life.
I too still feel like a broken man.
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