"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
Jumped a hurdle today
Hollister died on December 23. He left just before Christmas. While he was in the hospital, all through December, he'd been preparing (behind my back) for Christmas. One day, I caught him with a large wad of money. He told me he wanted to get me something really special for Christmas. While we were talking, he asked if there was something really special I wanted. I told him that I had been wanting an expensive digital camera for some time - there was just never enough money, so I kept putting it off. He said, "Get it." I smiled and told him his money would be waiting at home for him.
Well, he never made it home to spend it. I've been responsible, taking care of his funeral expenses and taking care of the household bills. His money has been sitting here. Today, after having checked out all sorts of possibilities for getting 'the' camera, I finally ordered it. My love had a big heart - and, even in the hospital, he took his time to put together the money for that final gift. Even while I struggle with the questions about whether I could have done more, been more, during his last days, I'm honoring him with the gift he wanted to give me. I can't say I feel worthy of it.
It seems too easy to stay here, alone, and grieve. I'm sure that's not what he would want for me. As Spring edges closer, I'm hoping to take that camera out to see the world - not faraway reaches of it, but the world around me. Maybe it will help me to move forward.
Views: 79
Comment
-
Comment by anna l. on March 7, 2012 at 10:02pm
-
Kathy I think that is so wonderful that you get to have the one last gift from him. What a life gift that is. I hope you find, looking through the lens of your new camera, a colorful, engaging new world. We all deserve that. It just takes so long to see past the black and grey.
-
Comment by Kathy S McBee on March 7, 2012 at 8:35pm
-
Maybe I'm having a flashback to trying to put together a slide show for Hollister's memorial service. He had few photos from his 65 years on this planet. It would have been great to have shot more photos of him while he was here. He was a ham. I can see that, in photos of him from before we met, and I know he would have loved the attention. So much of him was 'larger than life.' I hope I can learn from that.
-
-
The camera arrived today. It's funny - I've always looked forward to these things like a kid getting excited that Christmas is coming. Last night, though, I found myself crying a river. Thank goodness that's passed! I can't say why tracking that package affected me that way. All I can really say is that there was a very real link. Perhaps I'm just continuing to balk at moving on.
Groups
-
Losing Someone to Drug O…
72 members
-
Missing my Son or Daug…
452 members
-
Lost My Spouse...
388 members
-
How to move on...
11 members
-
surviving family members…
15 members
-
Lost both parents
13 members
-
Missing my sister
14 members
-
Funeral Service
3 members
-
Sibling Loss
11 members
-
Losing a spouse and dati…
19 members
-
Losing Someone to Cancer
633 members
-
I want my Mom!
9 members
-
Loss of a loved one to a…
5 members
-
You're too young to be a…
140 members
-
Sole Survivors
16 members
Latest Activity
"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
© 2026 Created by Ninja.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community