So.. I really don't know how to feel happy. I walk around with a face all the time. Last night, I was joking around with my roommate we ended joking around and jumping around on her bed, while we were supposed to be making it. I ended up jumping on the bed so hard that I totally fell right off. Bam! hit the floor. I took her down with me and I guess, braced her fall.

I never laughed so hard in my life. On the floor rolling back and forth. I got up and still was gasping for air…

Last night I felt almost normal for a while. This morning I was ok until church was almost over. I kept looking at my phone as I have every Sunday expecting to see a text or voice mail from Nanette asking me to stop at the store or run some other short errand on my way home from church.

I don't know if it was out of habit or because we actually need some things so I went to the store.

My goal was to pick up lawn bags but I forgot what I wanted before I arrived and never picked…

I fell in love with my wife at first sight in the summer of 1980. I asked a coworker who she was as I had not seen her at work since I started the previus March. He told me her name and that she had just returned from maternity leave. "She just had a baby?" I asked, followed by "she's married?" to which both questions were yes. I shut that door immediatly as she was off limits.

Two years later I was getting married to a woman I had been dating for 5 years as the love of my life was…

June 2008 - that's when our lives changed forever. I was at work when I found out that my dad had cancer. Sixth floor, A wing, Hendrick Medical Center. I was a glorified housekeeper for a short while back then before I became a CNA/CNC. I had brought my cell to work that day because daddy had a doctor's appointment and I wanted to stay updated. Me and mom thought he had gallbladder issues, from the symptoms and pain he had when he ate. But this was not the case.... three doctors later on the…

There were no rules given to me when my mother passed away. In one way, I was just tossed into life and expected to adapt without asking any questions. If I asked questions I was turned away or shut out because no one had the answers.

Even now no one knows how to respond to me...

I will confess that I am tired of fighting. I'm tired of smiling all the time. I'm tired of pretending…

When my mother passed I hid inside of myself. I wrote endless short stories, novels. I have several poetry books. My grandmother and aunt have done a good job raising me, but there is nothing like having the comfort of your own mother. A woman that knows every part of you. A woman that will always count you first. I was my mother first born. I have a younger sister but she was too little to remember our mother much. I have tried to keep our mothers image in her head as much as…

Our story begins on June 27 2004, that is when we received the most heartbreaking, devastating and overwhelming news any parent could ever receive, that one of their children has died. Our son Billy was killed instantly while riding his ATV at night hitting a tree. In the days and weeks after our loss of our son Billy, one of my most overwhelming needs was to find a way to make a connection with Billy in heaven, not knowing if it even was possible. I was going to find a way no…

I happened to get an email update from the online grief site last week. I have suffered a lot of traumatic loss, the worst being the loss of my Mom (who was my best friend) almost three years ago to cancer. Well, I was just surfing around this site when I came across the 'after death communication' blog. I read the blog, and I thought to myself...."If Mom were to come and let me know she was here, she would be a butterfly". That was that. Well, I left the next day for vacation with my…