This morning I decided that it was a good idea for Trinity (my daughter) and I to walk to school. She was pretty skeptical. But by the time we reached her school the dreams of her daddy and her sadness had dissipated. She announced to me that we need to walk to school every day that I'm not working. I agreed with her and the deal has been made.
On the way home I spent some time in prayer. There are mornings where I wake up and the birds are singing and the sun shining and I think, "How can it be so beautiful out when I'm hurting so deeply?" Today was different... I was praising God for his gifts and love.
I'm hurting far worse than I was last week. But I know that Matt would want me to continue to love life and live it to it's fullest. I know that God will help me through this time. I've come to realize that it's ok to cry and be sad and show my emotions, because they are what makes us human.
I've made a kind of vow to myself. For many years I've battled with depression. It has caused me to lose motivation and because of that, I haven't led the healthiest lifestyle. I'm going to get back in shape and use exercise to manage the depression. I had my motivation all along, unfortunately it took losing my husband for me to open my eyes. My daughter needs me and I need to be an example to her. :)
For today things are looking up. I know life is going to be a roller coaster of emotions for me these next few months as I re-learn how to live without Matt by my side.
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