I fell in love with my wife at first sight in the summer of 1980. I asked a coworker who she was as I had not seen her at work since I started the previus March. He told me her name and that she had just returned from maternity leave. "She just had a baby?" I asked, followed by "she's married?" to which both questions were yes. I shut that door immediatly as she was off limits.

Two years later I was getting married to a woman I had been dating for 5 years as the love of my life was getting a divorce from her husband.

My marriage lasted just under 3 years and during that time she fell in love and had her heart broken by another guy. 5 years passed from that first day I saw her and did not see her at work during that entire time. Then I changed shifts and found myself working the same shift as her only she was now dating my best friend at work.

Through him we became friends and it became obvious to her he was a jerk so with in a year we were a couple and were married in 1987.

On September 27th 2010 at 1:00 am central Standard time, our 21 year old daughter found the love of my life dead in her bed.

The coroner said she had been dead for a couple of hours and as of today, we still do not know the cause.

Life as we knew it ended on Sept 27th when my daughter found her. It feels cruel that time continues even though she is gone and the pain is almost more than I can handle.

That Sunday afternoon she told me I was her "dream man" and that we were meant to be together, but that I knew it the day I first saw her, something she had never told me before.

We both always told each other how much we loved each other and we were madly in love with each other.

How can she be gone? My brain cannot accept her loss. When the reality hits it is so painful my mind automatically blocks it from memory.

But then I think about performing CPR on her and just knowing the EMT's would save her. Then the horror when they told me she was gone.

How do you carry on? When do you care about anything again? When if ever do you feel joy again?

You hear people describe painful experiences as a nightmare, and that is what this is.