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Comment by Rebekah on October 20, 2010 at 12:31am

I too have a history of depression, and I used to cut myself for a period of years in my early 20s. It isn't something I have shared with many people. I still have the scars though. My Dad's death has definitely been a trigger for me. I find myself having thoughts, but like you it is a choice I make, a very conscious choice not to let myself go down that deep, dark path. I look into my daughter's faces (I have 3 of them) and remind myself that I am needed and loved. I want myself to be somone my girls can look up to. It is hard at times though to force a smile onto my face and to wipe the tears away when I am missing my Dad so much. I do talk about my Dad to my girls though, and they have seen my tears. I just don't want them to see the tears all the time. I love how your daughter has wanted to fix some of your husband's favorite foods. I want to keep my Dad's memory alive in my girls' minds. They are so young:2, 4, and 9. I tell them stories about my Dad when I was growing up, and special things they did with him because I don't want them to forget him. Those are just my thoughts for now.. thank you Natasha for sharing. I love your last sentence, "Are you going to be ok?". The answer is, I'm not ok right now, but through the grace of God and the support of my friends and family I will be." You are being so courageous and brave. Another quote I heard on here, or I read it somewhere...to heal you have to go straight through the heart of your grief and not around it. You have to face it. Let it all happen. Feel the pain. Don't be afraid to cry or to express your anger. It is important not to hold the hurt inside. If you swallow your grief, that proverbial lump in the throat will only surface later.

Comment by coachlouise on October 5, 2010 at 10:02pm

Setting an intention such as this will lead you to healing, beautiful and brave, Coach Louise