I don,t care how our marriage went in the final years. I must have depressed her terribly(maby) I don,t know,she backed me into a corner over the years.Her revengful temper ,(or what  ever you want to call it) came between us,also my inability to get out from under.

So much for that.we were together 35 yrs (since 1977) Sometimes I cann,t bring myself to even type my true feelings. So as everyone knows the loss of someone close is a debilitating. Having to pull her life support haunts…

Iam afraid to change ,shy,scared etc. However doing things on your own are good ,gym,walking ,paying attention to your health.This afternoon put some of her clothes in a box,not good ""emotional crash"however, I think,Iam able to push thru grieving spells,its the worst like waking up from a nightmare and finding yourself in a box but eventually finding a way out.Ha! only to have  grieving spell repeat its self.I read eventually the worst of the spells go away,keep busy

a member here recommended a web site for me to read and get me thru my loss. 'recover from grief .com" I had some very good  information on grieving. As I read  more entries Iam overwelmed with the feelings and actions of those that I read about. So I truly don,t feel alone.

Iam no better than the next person dealing with loss. Iam do walking patrols and Iam in the staircase  unable to move because of a "flashback" from our life together,but I tell myself "move through it" Iam sure…

no nothing like that ,just tired.Its like the common consenses is hurry and reinvent myself. Noo! The living room in the house where we lived is a disaster zone. Iam starting to go thru boxes of stuff we had and Iam even thnking of getting rid of her stuff (not!). Well anyway put it in boxes ,got to be that way. I have heard of some surviving spouses even repainting the walls. (no energy here) Defiantly on the hit list is old towels and sheets(excuse my spelling) One of these days Iam…

you cannot simply make someone go away that you have been with for so many years.It makes you wonder why things happend the way they do . I have flashbacks would I say horrible,horrible in the sense that Iam expecting her to come through the door and scold me for the mess I have created. I still loved her even if she made it difficult at times.

So now I feel like Iam inside a tornado thats whirling around at 300 mph. I know I shouldn,t say this but since she has been gone I have…

today I spent the whole day inside my house.When she was alive I don,t think I ever did that.I mean I could have straighten up the garage but I never did,I went on a eating binge,not every single minute.Slept most of the day.I can imagine she slept most of the time she was home,depression? I told my therapist I was going to go the gym,I went once since I promiosed him this.The worst thing of the whole week is when I have to go work at 12 minight for 2 days.In the morning I have to endure my…

Iam driven to comment on grief today. No one can imagine what sorrow and pain is going on with the loss of there loved one,a fact that I somehow fail to see. It seems as I suspected the world is over all insentative except when it comes to there own world .Which is basically true. So maby some emotions were triggered in me.So anyway I sat in my house all day today.

Your spouse dies your life screeches to a halt,I told my therapist I would have preferred to die with her .Whats the use.Anyway not happening,Iam not suicidal don,t even drink that much.Iam getting there ,I have to remind myself slow going.One cann,t change 35 yrs of life with the same person regardless of there personal life together.I think the bond together is so strong it remains with you.I think consciously the bond may get weaker but I believe will never go away.Like many of us I feel…

I keep reading grief support sites intro . I suppose that what you do join a grief support group. I didn,t realize what a screwed up life I had untile my wife died.Hows that possible I mean she would have recovered got out of the hosp and we would have been back in the same"bipolar life" Me with my compulsions. So she died umm now the grief is really setting in.Even with welbutin as a chaser.OMG! 30 minutes and my relief shows up. Iam off the next shift.Have to go for a medical procedure.…