My wife died last year in May she got so bad in the hospital and would have lived a miserable life after what the hospital did to her that I had the breathing tube removed .For a whole year I was numb to the fact she passed away. In the past few months memories of her dying in the hospital come flooding back,with an increase in weight from eating the wrong food. I find I loved her a lot, but during the marriage it can be described as dysfuctional as well as two people caring for each other. It wasn,t normal we never really went out in the later years or Made love,I know maby she wanted some love but she pushed me away with her emotional problems . I never grew up right and just lived off her life as bad and good as it was was . 

For the longest time I blocked her death out of my mind.even as I type this I cann,t remember her except for pictures..I can remember her presence.So it like a continious movie running thru my head all the memories the sadness

Yes my eating went to hell,I gained 20 Lbs Iam on eligard (hormon to lower psa) PSA which tells you if cancer is coming back .In my case Prostate cancer,prostate removed 2 yrs ago,Iam just tired of the fight tired of pretending. However I keep going