Sometimes I think of finding a support group of real live people. I go see a worthless psychologist.Does he help me through the grief ,I don,t know. I escape as much as possible from my feelings.I think I have a plan but I really don,t . Since her death I put my self in overdrive(so to speak)assigning myself all the duties I would think you do when your wife's dies. So its like driving thru total darkness thinking there is a destination but you never reach (at least not yet)Its hard very hard to blow away a way life and survive.

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.The prostate was taken out,not the only cure available.Blood tests are administered every three months.The PSA goes up more treatment,radiation,hormone shots etc.

So I had radiation (the psa spiked ,not much 39 days one hour a day. Didn,t change a thing.However not serious. Well you never know Iam not a doctor.So my poor wife goes in the hospital (St davids South austin Hospital Austin Tx) The doctors experiment on her and she dies Dead dies . So here Iam depressed grieving shoved out in the cruel world,whoopee independent on my own 65 and the threat of cancer hanging over my head (prostate cancer recurrence ,over weight etc etc )she is not sheltering me anymore)

I don,t have a grasp on anything.There is alot of errors in my life that are rearing there ugly head.Mainly living alone with her and surrounding my whole life with her,now that she is gone Iam lost.Iam having to reinvent myself.35 years of marriage ,how do you do that? Was there a miraculous grieving course,reinventing yourself 101 graduate in 10 weeks ,the new me ??????

Well Iam hanging on I pull myself out. Leave go to the gym .Maby go swimming . Cut the grass clean the house. I don,t drink heavy since shed died .

Dn