Iam starting to come back here as scatter brained as Iam, I was gone for a while. Iam a widower truth be told. Its a long story ,your thinking long story about being a widower.? Ill try to explain it in another blog Iam working on.we went for 35r yrs she ran the show.We loved each but not in a hugging kissing way. What does that have to with it.?

 I carried on a desentsized sort of duties  as a husband , Iam  thinking now I was emotionally ill equiped to handle a realationship much less a marriage I was awful in a first marriage.

Fast forward , After she passed away,a condition she had went terribly wrong and the good doctors of the Hospital at St davids Hosp South in Austin caused her to get so bad  in treating her I terminated her life support .Did I reach the limit of my endurance ? I left the hosp after she passed away and drive around reached our house and bussiness as usual ( huge amount of denial) did I get down on my knees and cry No. I went to work and buried my grief.

I retired early ,bad knees. I grieve, things remind of her and I go thru remorse it hits you in face and accept and move on. It was me and her when she was alive.

As a widower and the marraige I went thru I have no real survival skills but little by little I pulling my self up. I fight loss of appetite ,and other various problems.

I believe after reading blogs and grieving research it will take years Iam not rushing it Right now Iam totally lost Iam not taking care of myself as I should ,There again trying hard?  

I cann,t seem to get motivated

DH