I keep reading grief support sites intro . I suppose that what you do join a grief support group. I didn,t realize what a screwed up life I had untile my wife died.Hows that possible I mean she would have recovered got out of the hosp and we would have been back in the same"bipolar life" Me with my compulsions. So she died umm now the grief is really setting in.Even with welbutin as a chaser.OMG! 30 minutes and my relief shows up. Iam off the next shift.Have to go for a medical procedure. What a horrible twist of fate me living and her dying.After all how many times could I have sucked down some vodka and hopped in our 1998 plymouth voyager untile I killed someone in a wreck or got tossed in jail.So I cann,t even come close to saying God spared me.Driving while under the influence was a very bad escape when she tossed me out. I never did a dam thing to change this in 35 yrs.

So here Iam spinning out of control.Her presence is strong I was such a loner for 35 yrs when married to her I don,t even know how to live on my own or how to live.Its a double slap in the face.Her death and my inability to cope . How funny ha ha 

I vented

Dave