On December 8, 2015 I was woken up by my father-in-law saying my oldest daughter was on the phone. I instantly start worrying because it is a school day and she never calls me on the house phone. As I reach for the house phone I also grab my cellphone and noticed that I have missed 15 calls from my mom. My heart sinks. My daughter tells me that my mom is really needing to speak to me and texted her to see if she could wake me. I call my mom and I will never forget that phone call, or her…

I have really been struggling since the year mark and still trying to figure out why. Not that such struggle is anything new in this nightmare but I am still trying to process it and it's like I have a block or something. I've heard for some the second year is harder because it all becomes real. I don't know if that is what's happening for me. Has anyone else felt this?

The depression is still ever present and seems the trigger to sink me lower comes more easily. I hate my life…

juts getin pots why am i sayin dum or dum

im sayin dum coz thy hav sent my dad  a leter 

dum his bean in spirt or past sisne 2012 

thy no his gon 

we had deth cethdict 2 prov it funrll diectr  yng lad it did giv us deth cetifct 2 bnks evry 1 else 2 let th hes gon 2 stop frod mail cumin bak 2 us 

i thrt i wz dum but thy evn dummr sentin letters 2 ded person

to even try to go on without my son, will never ever happen, the life as I knew it is over, ill never be the same  person, my tears never stop, my heart hurts more and more everyday. I pray he hears me, and comes get me, because that's all I want is to die. to end this pain, this loneliness, emptiness in my heart. I know hes here watching over me, trying so hard to help me, but nothing will help me anymore. im ready im not afraid. if there is a god take me now, save a child take me please…

I lost my dear mother to cancer 5 years ago and it still feels like yesterday sometimes. I was the only one with her the night she died. The rest of the family was due to come in to the hospice at 0800 and she sat straight up and took her last gasping breaths at 0712. I had to call my family and do what I had done so many times as my work as an RN: tell that Mom had taken "a bad turn" and that they should come in now. It was hard to sit there holding her hand as it went cold, waiting…

I am new to this support group but just felt like I needed to express myself.  I met my husband when I was 16 years old.  When I was 18 we married and after 55 great years I lost him.  I'm not sure how to go one without him.  He passed away on January 14 of this year which was also his 76 birthday.  For about the last 14 years he had some very major health issues.  He had a triple bypass, lobe of lung removed because of lung cancer, multiple myeloma and gall bladder removed.  He bounced back…

"She's gone."  "I lost my sister."  "Teresa has passed."  "She's d...."

Two months now and I still can't say the 'D' word.  It still seems so unreal. The text back in June saying she has stage IV colon cancer, not to call her now cause she just can't talk about it.

Finally talking to her after that news, where she was so positive... So prepared to fight and beat this monster. Yet also preparing for the worse. The phone call 6 days before her passing telling me the doctors had…

Some days hurt too much... They all hurt but sometimes it’s just too much. Some days feel dangerous. It’s like I have a little monster inside my chest. Aching and pounding against the walls. Trying to break free. Perhaps trying to quit. Days like these are dangerous. I find myself suffering from one of life’s many side effects; thoughts of suicide. I sit and stare at sharp objects. Wanting to just pick one up and drag it across my skin, just to take the focus off my internal pain for a few…

This is turning out to be one of the worst weeks of my life! For a very very brief moment , recently, I thought maybe things were a bit on the "upswing". I felt a lttle better. But then ...the bottom dropped out of everything! My best friend who is sick with a terminal illness is losing the battle. Another friend of mine ended up in the hospital in a coma. The doctors don't even know why! They are going to do a biopsy of his brain to try to find the reason. He is also in critical condition.…

ok 1 of thm days wear iv no wear 2 run u cud say

I saw someone I knew today, she came over and hugged me and told me how sorry she was to hear about Andy, and she proceeded to have a proper conversation with me , which is so rare these days as most people I know seem to avoid me now, I think that don't know what to say to me , anyway I was thinking how lovely and kind she was , and then she uttered the words"but your only 42 you will meet someone else one day" for fucks sake, why do people always say this to me , it drives me mad , and…

It is day 2 since my husband passed. I had to fill out something today that asked marital status. That just threw me off. It was so hard to say widowed. I am trying so hard to stay positive and try to celebrate  how blessed I was to have him in my life. Sometimes it just doesn't seem real. And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I would like people to stop asking me how I m doing. I know they care but the answer seems pretty obvious. I am in the walking around in circles stage, not able to…

Both my mom and dad fell into Comas and suffered irreversible brain damage. They passed away 8 months apart from each other, leaving me all alone; sitting back in all black, wishing i could have them back.   My dad was the first to be taken away from me.  He suffered a stroke and had three hemerrages in his brain which caused the brain damage. His organs started to fail one by one and we decided we should release his body to join his mind. We turned the machines off on June 25th, one day…

I recently joined a popular social media group. I thought maybe reconnecting with family and friends would help...it didn't, I mean, it was kinda nice at first, but then I began to realize how different I am compared to the rest of them. They happily share recipes and cute-sy cartoons, which of course, there's nothing wrong with that. Shared a few myself, but...that's not how I really feel inside. If I posted what I really felt, I would probably have people avoiding my site. My grief is just…

I lost my father five months ago and ever since then I have just been broken and hurting. The friends that I was counting on were not there the way they said they would be, which just hurt even more. I fell like I've just been in so much pain recently because I am not around any of the people. I can't talk to my father, my mother is too broken heated to be comforting, and I have not heard from my best friend in several weeks. I was so tired so just being in pain all the time I am…

Well I dont know what im doing here i think i will mostly be reading posts... The love of my life that i have been with since 7th grade passed away march 20.  he was everything.. my best friend, lover, husband, father to my 10 and 12 year old.  it was always us.  Everybody we knew always said we had the best relationship.. i know nothing is ever perfect especially now. But as people keep telling me life goes on and give it time.. From the first day he passed to now it has not gotten even a…

today I went to see you twice, I need that, I know in my heart you knew I was there. when summer comes I hope to sit with you awhile, theres so much I want and need to say. I love you with all y heart shawn and I pray everynight to be with you, I hope its soon. without you I have no reason to go on.  I love and miss you shawn always and forever  mom

I feel so hopelessly broken today. I put on my ",normal" face today and went to work. I talked to people even laughed, but inside I was screaming "Can't you see I need help? I'm dying here!". Of course, those were only words heard within. Only one person that I work with, an alarmingly intuitive soul, HEARD my voice on the phone and knew something wasn't right. Knew that wasn't me. Knew I had been crying, but didn't want to come out and ask. So she posed another question, " Have you got a…

My grief has taken me over today. I just stayed in bed all day. There are two things grieving me deeply. One, my cousin who has always been my big sister, is losing her memory to dementia. She has been the one who has always called me nearly everyday since Mom died. She is my biggest supporter, my shoulder to cry on. I have always told her that she reminds me of the character "Melanie" from the movie "Gone With The Wind." She has always been so kind and loving. And now I am losing her in a…