I said I'd be wearing black by the end of the week, and I am.  I lost a best friend yesterday around noon.  The doctors couldn't do anymore to help her. So I sat next to her as she took her last breaths and told her how much I love her.  Told her what a good friend she was to me.  She died while I was talking to her.  I am so devastated this morning.  I am so physically and emotionally ill. My blood pressure went sky high last night, and I don't evn have high blood pressure, normally.  I…

This is turning out to be one of the worst weeks of my life! For a very very brief moment , recently, I thought maybe things were a bit on the "upswing". I felt a lttle better. But then ...the bottom dropped out of everything! My best friend who is sick with a terminal illness is losing the battle. Another friend of mine ended up in the hospital in a coma. The doctors don't even know why! They are going to do a biopsy of his brain to try to find the reason. He is also in critical condition.…

I recently joined a popular social media group. I thought maybe reconnecting with family and friends would help...it didn't, I mean, it was kinda nice at first, but then I began to realize how different I am compared to the rest of them. They happily share recipes and cute-sy cartoons, which of course, there's nothing wrong with that. Shared a few myself, but...that's not how I really feel inside. If I posted what I really felt, I would probably have people avoiding my site. My grief is just…

I feel so hopelessly broken today. I put on my ",normal" face today and went to work. I talked to people even laughed, but inside I was screaming "Can't you see I need help? I'm dying here!". Of course, those were only words heard within. Only one person that I work with, an alarmingly intuitive soul, HEARD my voice on the phone and knew something wasn't right. Knew that wasn't me. Knew I had been crying, but didn't want to come out and ask. So she posed another question, " Have you got a…