My grief has taken me over today. I just stayed in bed all day. There are two things grieving me deeply. One, my cousin who has always been my big sister, is losing her memory to dementia. She has been the one who has always called me nearly everyday since Mom died. She is my biggest supporter, my shoulder to cry on. I have always told her that she reminds me of the character "Melanie" from the movie "Gone With The Wind." She has always been so kind and loving. And now I am losing her in a different way. What cursed day will it be when she no longer knows me? No longer can share her memories of our family because she has none? I dread the morning that may come when she doesn't call me because I no longer exist in her memory! She is really all I have. I think, sometimes, that I am destined to walk this earth alone. And in the midst of this, I am losing my other "Beloved One.". The one I am not free to speak of, not even on here, for fear of my grief being invalidated. (What's that old saying? " If it happens twice, Shame on Me?!!). So that one I hold inside, hide from even my closest friends. I'm lonely and isolated because of it. So I curl up tightly in fetal position, my grief surrounding me, and ride out that awful storm inside me...