My identity is intertwined with being a good daughter to my mother because she sacrificed  everything to me  and her selflessness  is what motivated to go  on living. My mother was an immigrant  who left her family and her  role as a housewife  to come to Canada and provide a better future for her children. After the divorce, she worked harder than anyone else I know in order  to provide a life for myself and my brother.  She had  no choice but to be strong and determined  without a husband…

My child, my child I miss you

This anguish I cannot bear

http://bc.ctvnews.ca/man-in-custody-after-death-of-14-month-old-baby-in-chilliwack-1.1464825

A bit about me, I'm 47, married with no children (other than the fur kind).  I live in western Massachusetts with my husband, and my older brother.  My father was diagnosed with throat cancer in May, 2013, went through radiation and chemo, but it had metastasized to his liver and lungs before it was killed off in his throat.  My dad lived with us and I was his primary care giver - he passed away on April 3, 2014.  On April 29, 2014, my mother, who lives around the corner from me, was…

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I 

may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we…

Today I took a plunge into freezing cold water to raise money for a gal I don't know who has brain cancer. I'm not sure what came over me to do such a crazy thing. When I was a little girl I was sitting in a lake near our home and the current came and washed me away. I remember going under for the last time when my big brother came and held me up by my hair until my dad could come and rescue me. I have since been afraid of moving water. I'll never forget that awful feeling of drowning. I…

Poems



While I lay in bed, I hear poems floating in empty space.

Words that want to connect to rhymes and make a phrase.



They wonder how many times they've been written.

How many hearts have been grieving in this world of pain .



When all is quiet! They float in the cold night air,…

I read every post, every day...I wish so much to reach out, console, comfort, support...but I find I do not have the words. There is a desire but no ability. Only raw, emotional pain. Anguish. I wish for the desires of our hearts to be whole again in our arms. I wish we could have our children.

I am still a person like you, with a life like yours, yet not. I am still a mother like you, yet not at all like you, all at the same time. I wish there was some way you could understand me, without becoming who I am now.

You see, there’s a pain I carry, unlike any pain you carry, unless you are a bereaved mother too. This pain I carry is always there. It doesn’t nap during the day, or get safely tucked into bed at night. It…

OK FOR THOSE WHO CANT HANDLE DETAILS ABOUT WHAT We've  WENT THROUGH ..  PLEASE don't read this comment it is unforgettable .

Not only not giving answers but for when a mother hears the police telling her over a telephone that her child is being worked on by the parametics and that they will call you when they know whats going on yet they wont let you come there wont give you an address youve been trying to gets for almost two hours previous to this dreaded phone call .. The hopeless,…

Every single person that has cared about us or supported us or thought about us.... You all have HONESTLY saved my life more then once.. I cant even begin to explain the hopelessness you feel over the loss of such an amazing , beautiful person that means so much more then the world to you. The only reason you had to change your life completely, and make you realize what true love means, once they place that being, in your arms... Its something you could never understand unless you are a…

Everytime i see your sweet little face it makes me so sad.. So sad for what we never got to do.. For what we never will.. For the life you so deserved to have... The choices you never got to make... I wonder what your voice would sound like when you started to talk and say sentences.. I miss you so much Alexcia everytime i see your face in pictures on the wall .. It hurts to know thats all you will ever get to be ... A picture on the wall .. Tears...

I dont know how much longer i can handle the stuff life keeps throwing at me and continue to stay strong and keep fighting, when i dont even know how to do it, nothing makes a difference .. Alexcia Mckamey i miss you so much i keep trying but its so hard to do this without you here .. I just keep going no where no matter how hard i keep fighting. I love you , this is sooooo hard !! Wish you were here…

THE BEREAVED MOTHER

To those of you who look away when I grow teary eyed in the baby department,look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those of you who change the subject when I speak my child's name, change your way of thinking. It may just change your whole life.

...

To those of you who roll your eyes and say we barely had them at all, how

could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have…

Still no answers!!! I am still frozen , lost , hoping , waiting, begging for answers for my little girls life being stolen from her, from the world , from all of us .. You move forward, your lives keep going on .. My life is frozen.. Its standing still, my world has stopped .. I dont understand how she can just be gone forever, never coming home.. Without reason, no answers as to why ? Or how! Could you even for a minute ever imagine your only child , your whole life .. Everything that made…

A whisper on the wind did come one moon drenched night in winter

Within my soul a note did enter, the sweetest voice said, "Mom..."

Spring followed soon amid the pain, A beautiful baby born,

Worldly sorrows from me were torn, A Heavenly gift attained.

Sunshine alighted her footsteps, Laughter bubbled from her lips

All mundane woes she did eclipse as I watched her while she slept

Her happiness made my heart sing ! She brought…

That quote by Alfred Lord Tennyson is a well known idea. I'm not so sure I agree with it. When you lose someone when you are old enough to remember them it tears you apart from your very core. You remember all the bad times when you fought over stupid things, when you were upset and said things you never meant but you never apologized for. You remember all the hugs and the laughs you shared afterwards knowing that at the end of it all you love each other endlessly. The gut wrenching pain I…

I have been having trouble finding the words to say,

Nothing has seemed right since you've passed away.

A daddy's girl through and through,

No one will ever compare to you

You taught me how to read and write

Always kept me in your sight

I remember staring into your big blue eyes

More beautiful than the bluest skies.

There are so many things that I miss,

Your loving embrace & a sweet kiss.…

Just struggling today...not in anquish just grasping at memories...